crossoverfic | (no subject)

Title: Angels and Demons: Strangely Literal and Newly Human
Author: vfdj42
Rating: PG
Genre & Pairing: Mostly Dialogue. Crack. Castiel/Anya
Spoilers: Slight ones for Supernatural 5x04 and for Buffy
Wordcount: 300?
Universe: Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Summary: Cas meets Anya from Buffy. They bond.

"Hi, sir. How are you today?" A small blonde woman asked Castiel.

"I am contemplating these vegetables. I wish to...consume them," Castiel said.

"You are looking at carrots," Anya pointed out.

"Yes. These are carrots," Castiel said, smiling. He was making conversation like a person. "They are orange."

"Yes, they are orange and slightly phallic."

Castiel continued to smile politely.

"Speaking of phallic, you are handsome and I wish to have sex with you," Anya said.

"That would please my friend, Dean," Castiel said. "He wants me to have sex."

Anya smiled politely. "Your apparent homosexuality is alarming, but does not make you any less attractive. I am still willing to have sex."

"We cannot have sex near this produce. These fruits and vegetables are the bounty of God. It would be disrespectful and unsanitary."

"We can have sex on my ex-fiancee's bed. It would be disrespectful and unsanitary. I would like that."

"OK, but I must warn you: Xander still loves you. Also, I am a virgin."

"Oh," Anya said. "That's very strange. That and your demeanor are slightly off-putting. I would like to retract my offer."

"I am fine with that," Castiel said.

"Good day then, sir."

Castiel turned back to the produce.