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crossoverficTitle: Time Out in Washington (14/18)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fides
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Mulder/Krycek (mostly UST), Mark/Nicholas discussed but whether there is any truth behind the suggestion is open to the reader's interpretation
Fandom: X-Files/Torchwood/Dr Who/The State Within
Rating: NC-17 overall (most parts PG/PG-13, only one part is NC-17 and that part can be skipped with minimum confusion if you want to read the plot but are put off by the idea of graphic sex)
Warnings: Spoilers for The State Within. Some violence and fantasy sexual violence
Disclaimer: None of the recognisable characters are mine, Santa has been really falling down on his job recently, but belong to their respective right holders
Sequal to 1. Plus Ça Change, 2. Hobson's Choice
Prequel to Interlunation
Previous Parts: Part 1 - Prologue -:- Part 2 - Sir Mark -:- Part 3 - Jack -:- Part 4 - Azzam -:- Part 5 - Mulder -:- Part 6 - Skinner -:- Part 7 - Scully -:- Part 8 - George -:- Part 9 - Alex and Fox -:- Part 10 - Doctor -:- Part 11 - William -:- Part 12 - Ianto -:- Part 13 - Samantha
Summary: Finding out Jack's secret in the worst possible way (Hobson's Choice), Alex takes a break from Torchwood Three while he comes to terms with events and his anger towards Jack. To give him the time he needs, Jack arranges a secondment for Alex at the British Embassy in Washington working with the secret service to counter threats to the Ambassador's family. But with Mulder around things don't go to plan and Alex discovers that aliens aren't that easy to leave behind.
Notes: I know that the timelines don't quite fit so I decided to fudge things a little because it was too tempting to compare Torchwood and the Consortium. This story is set concurrent with the early part of X-Files season 6, during the second half of Torchwood season 1, during the time of the 12th Doctor (Doctor Who) and about a year after the events in The State Within. In depth (or indeed any) knowledge of the included fandoms isn't required so please don't let them put you off. Thanks tomoth2fic for the beta. Any and all remaining mistakes are own.
Dumping the Consortium operative in his car on the outskirts of town had taken less time than Alex had feared. Having found a suitable spot and hidden a bicycle there while he had been out with Dan earlier that day probably helped. There was only so much you could do when on an island and Alex had to assume that there was a pre-planned bolt-hole waiting. As a finishing touch he reset the clock on the dashboard and the man's watch so that they appeared to have lost ten minutes. It was the little details that were important.
He returned to the TARDIS to be told that Samantha was asleep on the sofa in the lounge with the Doctor's second-favourite coat draped over her. Waiting for his and the Doctor's return after the excitement of the evening had evidently been soporifically boring, especially without anyone able to answer all the questions that she must have. The latter had been partially intentional. The coat was a nice touch; maybe the application of drool on the sleeve would remind him to put the thing away. For a self-professed genius, the Doctor seemed to forget that his coats weren't going to magically pick themselves up and put themselves away although, given what the TARDIS was capable of, Alex wasn't completely sure that given enough time it wouldn't find a way to do just that to them.
The others were doing things Alex didn't bother trying to understand under various panels in the main control area. Beyond enquiring about Samantha he hadn't disturbed them as he wandered through; everyone dealt with their first kidnapping in their own way. However having dropped his jacket off in his room and secured his gun - it didn't do to take chances with a child around - he headed back. It wasn't over until they had performed their vanishing act.
"So are we off then?" A fast getaway was traditional and Alex had got the impression that the Doctor didn't tend to hang around.
The Doctor said something that the TARDIS didn't translate and thumped the control board. A dull clang rang out, followed by a rather dismal whine of machinery starting up. Alex blinked as Mina pulled herself out from underneath her area of console, diagnostic tool in one hand and head covered by an orangey-brown hijab.
"I think that was 'nearly'," she caught his look, "bad hair day." She grinned. Alex didn't believe her for a moment but saw no need to say so. If it made her feel happier she could paint herself blue as far as he was concerned.
Dan looked over at her comment. "Careful, Mina. Your head's rusted under there."
Mina stuck her three middle fingers up at him in a parody of the boy scout salute. "Read between the lines," she called back before grabbing what Alex thought was a spanner and sliding back under.
Samantha, looking sleepy wandered in and stared at them both with wide eyes, and an expression that said she thought they were insane and hadn't quite worked out if it was the dangerous kind of insane yet.
"Don't worry," Alex reassured her.
The look she gave him wasn't much better.
"My dad didn't really send you, did he?"
She'd had time to think. That was always bad. Alex opened his mouth to lie once more but the Doctor beat him to it. "No, he didn't."
Samantha nodded as if she had expected nothing less. She turned away from Alex pointedly ignoring him, but that, like being lied to by him, was practically a family trait. She played with the end of one braid, winding it around her fingers.
"This is a spaceship, isn't it?"
The Doctor looked absurdly proud although, Alex had to acknowledge, he had some reason. "Do you like it?"
Samantha looked around with all the scorn of an eight year old. "It's alright, I suppose," she admitted grudgingly.
Alex took the opportunity to sidle across the TARDIS to where Mina was working. Samantha wasn't about to talk to him anyway.
"You okay?" Alex whispered when she re-emerged. It wasn't concern; it was just good management to check that your troops weren't falling apart on you. The last thing they needed was Mina to have a change of heart. At least while they were still in the vicinity of the crime.
She looked at him wide-eyed and unsure. He inclined his head towards hers but said nothing. It really was nothing to do with him, just that sudden changes of behaviour, or apparel, made him nervous. Alex wasn't sure what it was she saw in him, not compassion as he hadn't had any of that for years and what precious little tolerance he had was pretty much taken up by Mulder, but, whatever it was, Mina stood up carefully, putting the tool she had been using down on top of the panel.
"Fine," Mina glanced over to where the tall figure of the Doctor was bent almost in half and then back to the fascinating dullness of a spanner on a metal surface. "This isn't something we can solve, is it? She'll never see her family again because of us. I know we are doing the right thing. I just..."
She fiddled with the material at the neck of her headscarf.
"…needed a connection?"
"It's stupid, really," She looked at him self-deprecatingly. "My mother hates it; we had so many arguments about my wearing it." Families. It was always about families. The ones you were born into or the ones you chose. "In the end I asked her why it was okay for her to lay down rules to say I couldn't wear something when she was so opposed to those who laid down rules to say I had to. She hugged me, told me she was proud of me and gave me this. Her mother bought it after the revolution before... she took it with her when she left Iran with her father." Alex wrapped his arms around her and let her nestle within the protective shell of his jacket. He told himself it was for her benefit but his own family was closer than they had been in years and her warmth, pressed against him, kept his ghosts at bay. "Only it hasn't happened yet, they're there somewhere, my mother and grandmother. They don't know what's going to happen to them." She sniffed. "The really stupid thing was, after she gave it to me, the argument just didn't seem as important any more."
And somewhere out there was a young Alex waiting for his father to come home. Action and consequence. How often did they swoop into a situation and leave before the repercussions were felt. Maybe it was the only way they could do it, save the day and skip the clean-up. It wasn't the decisions that were made in the heat of battle that were hard; it was picking up the pieces when it was all over and the dust had settled enough for the cost to be counted. Only Samantha was an undeniable result of what they had done. Whatever would have happened to her if they hadn't intervened, they had and the repercussions of that was now their responsibility.
He let Mina go slowly when she began to draw away. She looked up at him defiantly, daring him to make something of her moment of human vulnerability as if it made her something less. He ran his thumb along the edge of the material that cradled her face, a platonic caress from temple to chin, before placing a kiss on her forehead. Her eyes were large and dark, glistening with unshed tears. It was so easy to forget how young she was. Had she turned twenty? It was hard tell when travelling around eternity in a ship where the calendar changed from one second to the next. He remembered what it had been like at that age, how adult you felt and it was only when you looked back later you realised that you were just fooling yourself and learning to fool other people.
Her lips pursed and there was that moment of recognition between them that she was an attractive young woman (weren't they all in their own ways) and he was a man like any other and Alex wondered for a moment whether she found him attractive in return. He liked women; he liked women a lot. Women, men... he wasn't entirely convinced by Jack's stories about some of his more intimate alien encounters but otherwise he considered himself fairly open to experimentation as long as it was safe, sane and consensual... although some argument could be made about the safe and sane where Mulder was involved. Mina blinked and smiled at him a little cheekily and he smiled back. They were good; there would be no complications. She gave him another quick squeeze of a hug and returned to her work.
Alex looked across the room and saw that Dan was watching them, an expression of concern on his face. Alex smiled at him and Dan relaxed, looking fondly at where Mina's lower half stuck out from underneath the console. She would have had a go at them both for their patronising attitudes if she saw but with some technology to play with, and Alex hoped it wasn't connected to anything vital, they could have put on matching tutus and staged an impromptu performance of Swan Lake and she wouldn't have noticed. He hadn't been a big brother for so long he wasn't sure he could remember anything beyond the teasing and hair pulling. It was probably lucky he wasn't sticking around for long; he had got used to keeping his own company and Torchwood's idea of a work social was talking crap over take-away when some crisis or other had kept them late again or the occasional drink after a worse day than normal. Gwen had made noises about some kind of team bonding but against the united front of her colleagues' various antisocial habits she hadn't made much headway. Staying at the Embassy was enough like barracks that the close presence of other people hadn't bothered him, but even there almost all of his contact with them was professional. Dan spoke of brothers, sisters, cousins, second-cousins and grandparents, both adopted and blood, as if it was normal to have them all running around the same house. That was colony life apparently. Alex suspected he sometimes missed all the noise in the silence of space.
"Samantha?" Dan broke into her interrogation of the Doctor, taking advantage of a mutual pause for breath. "Would you like to see your room?"
She looked at him, head tilted to one side. Alex had to assume her conclusion was favourable as she nodded. As they walked off Alex could hear Samantha peppering Dan with questions beginning with whether he hurt his leg in the war. Apparently some things didn't change and the ability of children to find sudden reserves of energy at the most inconvenient time was one of them. Rather him than me, Alex thought to himself. Dan was one of those strange people who claimed to like children, although he'd still found Alex's automatic 'but I couldn't eat a whole one' response funny, so Alex figured he deserved everything he got. Especially if it gave him a way to work off any guilt he was feeling.
"All finished?" the Doctor asked brightly as Dan and Samantha vanished into the depths of the TARDIS.
"No," Mina began but the Doctor wasn't listening.
"Next stop: Washington. Again." He pulled one of the levers, seemingly at random; the column in the centre of the TARDIS began to pump and everything lurched.
Alex was beginning to suspect that the jerkiness was not an integral part of the TARDIS's operation so much as the Doctor's inability to fly his own ship.
The landing was marginally less turbulent than the first. It was like being on one of those runaway mine train rollercoaster rides where they deliberately made the car shake so that you thought that any moment the entire thing would come apart around you. Alex had loved those as a child. The rush of adrenaline and the tiny thrill of fear. The TARDIS was the ultimate ride and if you wanted you could touch down at a different station each time. Each journey a new ride with a new destination and a new thrill, without the need to queue in between. It had been... educational.
Looking out of the door Alex was pleased to see that they had actually managed to return to the same place they had left. He'd put his suit back on but the Doctor had let him keep the leathers. Who knew, maybe Mulder could dust off his official FBI jacket and there were cowboys aplenty in Washington. It gave him something to think about, now that he was back, rather than the immediacy of Nicholas' injuries.
"I hope your friend is all right," Samantha had said quietly when they had explained why they were dropping him off, and had clung to Dan's side. The plan seemed to be that she would go to live with Dan's family for a few years and then, if she wanted, the Doctor had a friend in Ealing who would take her in. Alex had just shaken his head quietly, not quite believing that Samantha might end up on a farm with a pony after all. She seemed nice enough but he wasn't sure how to deal with her and she appeared to have similar misgivings about him. He silently wished her a better life than her brother.
They'd all piled out of the TARDIS to say good bye, clustered around the doorway as if straying too far from the magic of the box would make some residue of his leaving rub off on them and require them to leave as well. Mina and Dan looked like they wanted to hug him but he stepped back before they could, giving them both nods. He hadn't expected it to be hard.
The Doctor walked a few steps with him, "You sure you don't want to come with us?" he asked. "You could, you know. Time travel and all. We can argue about you carrying weapons some more."
Alex thought about it. Travelling the universe, discovering its secrets; Mulder would have jumped at the chance. Part of him wanted to go; to see the marvels as well as the threats and tragedies. At least with the Doctor he would be facing general malevolence rather than people with a personal grudge against him. If he was honest, Alex had to acknowledge that there weren't too many places left on the earth, outside Cardiff, where that was true. And Cardiff was probably just a matter of time. The Doctor was offering him not only a chance to explore time and space, but a fresh start.
Alex looked back at Chandan and Yasmine, waiting with Samantha to hear his decision. They were nice, normal kids having an adventure and they wanted him to share it with them. The offer was genuine, Alex didn't doubt that, but, whether they realised it or not, they didn't just want him - they wanted his experience. Or at least what those experiences had made him. It wasn't about whether he went armed; his gun was just a piece of metal, he didn't need it when the world was full of weapons waiting to be picked up and no assassins with his name on their bullets waiting for him in every shadow. The problem was not the gun in his hand, it was the one in his head. Could he be more than the hired muscle? He'd never shied away from what he had become; a killer, an assassin, a liar, manipulator and spy. His only defence was that he never did anything lightly or for fun, never killed or double-crossed mindlessly or to satisfy some internal urge. He never enjoyed the thrill of it beyond the adrenaline rush of still being alive at the end. He did what was necessary and that was it. On the occasional melancholy night when he wondered whether Mulder was right about him, Alex suspected that everyone said that.
Whether it was true or not, whatever he had done, Alex had never worked with people who weren't just as dirty as he was, normally more so. Even when Nicholas acted to keep Mark clean it was the same, Mark was the target to be escorted and managed, while Nicholas' peers were back in London or around the world with guns in their metaphorical hands. That would change if Alex accepted the Doctor's offer. Alex understood why the Doctor would risk planets for his companions - they were his salvation and his soul. However they were also his damnation. He could give them the universe as a small part of himself, share in their wonder and enthusiasm, but then he would lose them. Even in the best case, the Doctor would be leaving them behind to a better life, whether they wanted it or not, rather than watching them die. By intention or serendipity, with Alex on the team there was not only more chance of the former, but there was more chance that the Doctor would be able to leave them with a clear conscience, as innocent as when he had plucked them from their disrupted lives. And Alex understood that the Doctor needed that as he needed Mulder and Jack needed his team, the pilot lights from which the main fire kept burning. But Alex wasn't innocent, and could never be again without downing Torchwood's entire supply of retcon. Travelling with the Doctor he would always be the sword, shield and knife in the dark, in his own mind if not in the Doctor's, because he would always see the need.
"You know why I have to say no, don't you?" Alex said quietly.
The Doctor nodded. Alex thought he looked sad but it was a little hard to tell. It would have been easier for both of them if what the Doctor had wanted was a soldier, then neither of them would have been disappointed by Alex's answer.
"You know where I am. You know where Jack is. If you need us..." Alex let the offer trail off. The Doctor's world just didn't work like that. The Doctor knew where, and when, Jack was. He had always known and yet Alex hadn't heard of him as more than a few cryptic comments about the medical profession until their accidental meeting. Alex had no reason to think that his presence would change anything. For all he knew the Doctor had hundreds of people scattered across time and space whom he could call on if he needed but who, while they waited, spent their time cleaning up the little messes in their small bits of the universe.
The Doctor smiled in that peculiar way that he had - as if he knew the secrets of the next moments but was willing to humour those slowed by normal constraints of time. In anyone else, Alex would be tempted to wipe the smug smirk off their face but there was no arrogance in the expression, just a weary acceptance. The Doctor lowered his chin in a half nod hiding his mobile mouth, and veiling his eyes behind the curtain of his lashes. With those expressive features hidden he looked like nothing more than the middle aged man he seemed, face lined by no more than the normal cares. It made it easier to walk away - Alex had been walking away from appeals to his better nature for most of his adult life. He turned and began to leave before stupidity made him change his mind. It wasn't everyday that someone offered you the universe. Behind him he could hear the sounds of the Doctor chivvying everyone back inside his impossible ship but he didn't turn. Turning would be one step closer to turning and running back.
"Oh and Alex," the Doctor called. Alex stopped and looked over his shoulder at where the other man's head and shoulders leant out from the doorway. "Tell Ianto not to worry."
With a last wave the door closed before Alex could ask why in particular Ianto would be worrying, and why he should stop.
Next Part...
Author:
fidesPairing: Jack/Ianto, Mulder/Krycek (mostly UST), Mark/Nicholas discussed but whether there is any truth behind the suggestion is open to the reader's interpretation
Fandom: X-Files/Torchwood/Dr Who/The State Within
Rating: NC-17 overall (most parts PG/PG-13, only one part is NC-17 and that part can be skipped with minimum confusion if you want to read the plot but are put off by the idea of graphic sex)
Warnings: Spoilers for The State Within. Some violence and fantasy sexual violence
Disclaimer: None of the recognisable characters are mine, Santa has been really falling down on his job recently, but belong to their respective right holders
Sequal to 1. Plus Ça Change, 2. Hobson's Choice
Prequel to Interlunation
Previous Parts: Part 1 - Prologue -:- Part 2 - Sir Mark -:- Part 3 - Jack -:- Part 4 - Azzam -:- Part 5 - Mulder -:- Part 6 - Skinner -:- Part 7 - Scully -:- Part 8 - George -:- Part 9 - Alex and Fox -:- Part 10 - Doctor -:- Part 11 - William -:- Part 12 - Ianto -:- Part 13 - Samantha
Summary: Finding out Jack's secret in the worst possible way (Hobson's Choice), Alex takes a break from Torchwood Three while he comes to terms with events and his anger towards Jack. To give him the time he needs, Jack arranges a secondment for Alex at the British Embassy in Washington working with the secret service to counter threats to the Ambassador's family. But with Mulder around things don't go to plan and Alex discovers that aliens aren't that easy to leave behind.
Notes: I know that the timelines don't quite fit so I decided to fudge things a little because it was too tempting to compare Torchwood and the Consortium. This story is set concurrent with the early part of X-Files season 6, during the second half of Torchwood season 1, during the time of the 12th Doctor (Doctor Who) and about a year after the events in The State Within. In depth (or indeed any) knowledge of the included fandoms isn't required so please don't let them put you off. Thanks to
moth2fic for the beta. Any and all remaining mistakes are own.Dumping the Consortium operative in his car on the outskirts of town had taken less time than Alex had feared. Having found a suitable spot and hidden a bicycle there while he had been out with Dan earlier that day probably helped. There was only so much you could do when on an island and Alex had to assume that there was a pre-planned bolt-hole waiting. As a finishing touch he reset the clock on the dashboard and the man's watch so that they appeared to have lost ten minutes. It was the little details that were important.
He returned to the TARDIS to be told that Samantha was asleep on the sofa in the lounge with the Doctor's second-favourite coat draped over her. Waiting for his and the Doctor's return after the excitement of the evening had evidently been soporifically boring, especially without anyone able to answer all the questions that she must have. The latter had been partially intentional. The coat was a nice touch; maybe the application of drool on the sleeve would remind him to put the thing away. For a self-professed genius, the Doctor seemed to forget that his coats weren't going to magically pick themselves up and put themselves away although, given what the TARDIS was capable of, Alex wasn't completely sure that given enough time it wouldn't find a way to do just that to them.
The others were doing things Alex didn't bother trying to understand under various panels in the main control area. Beyond enquiring about Samantha he hadn't disturbed them as he wandered through; everyone dealt with their first kidnapping in their own way. However having dropped his jacket off in his room and secured his gun - it didn't do to take chances with a child around - he headed back. It wasn't over until they had performed their vanishing act.
"So are we off then?" A fast getaway was traditional and Alex had got the impression that the Doctor didn't tend to hang around.
The Doctor said something that the TARDIS didn't translate and thumped the control board. A dull clang rang out, followed by a rather dismal whine of machinery starting up. Alex blinked as Mina pulled herself out from underneath her area of console, diagnostic tool in one hand and head covered by an orangey-brown hijab.
"I think that was 'nearly'," she caught his look, "bad hair day." She grinned. Alex didn't believe her for a moment but saw no need to say so. If it made her feel happier she could paint herself blue as far as he was concerned.
Dan looked over at her comment. "Careful, Mina. Your head's rusted under there."
Mina stuck her three middle fingers up at him in a parody of the boy scout salute. "Read between the lines," she called back before grabbing what Alex thought was a spanner and sliding back under.
Samantha, looking sleepy wandered in and stared at them both with wide eyes, and an expression that said she thought they were insane and hadn't quite worked out if it was the dangerous kind of insane yet.
"Don't worry," Alex reassured her.
The look she gave him wasn't much better.
"My dad didn't really send you, did he?"
She'd had time to think. That was always bad. Alex opened his mouth to lie once more but the Doctor beat him to it. "No, he didn't."
Samantha nodded as if she had expected nothing less. She turned away from Alex pointedly ignoring him, but that, like being lied to by him, was practically a family trait. She played with the end of one braid, winding it around her fingers.
"This is a spaceship, isn't it?"
The Doctor looked absurdly proud although, Alex had to acknowledge, he had some reason. "Do you like it?"
Samantha looked around with all the scorn of an eight year old. "It's alright, I suppose," she admitted grudgingly.
Alex took the opportunity to sidle across the TARDIS to where Mina was working. Samantha wasn't about to talk to him anyway.
"You okay?" Alex whispered when she re-emerged. It wasn't concern; it was just good management to check that your troops weren't falling apart on you. The last thing they needed was Mina to have a change of heart. At least while they were still in the vicinity of the crime.
She looked at him wide-eyed and unsure. He inclined his head towards hers but said nothing. It really was nothing to do with him, just that sudden changes of behaviour, or apparel, made him nervous. Alex wasn't sure what it was she saw in him, not compassion as he hadn't had any of that for years and what precious little tolerance he had was pretty much taken up by Mulder, but, whatever it was, Mina stood up carefully, putting the tool she had been using down on top of the panel.
"Fine," Mina glanced over to where the tall figure of the Doctor was bent almost in half and then back to the fascinating dullness of a spanner on a metal surface. "This isn't something we can solve, is it? She'll never see her family again because of us. I know we are doing the right thing. I just..."
She fiddled with the material at the neck of her headscarf.
"…needed a connection?"
"It's stupid, really," She looked at him self-deprecatingly. "My mother hates it; we had so many arguments about my wearing it." Families. It was always about families. The ones you were born into or the ones you chose. "In the end I asked her why it was okay for her to lay down rules to say I couldn't wear something when she was so opposed to those who laid down rules to say I had to. She hugged me, told me she was proud of me and gave me this. Her mother bought it after the revolution before... she took it with her when she left Iran with her father." Alex wrapped his arms around her and let her nestle within the protective shell of his jacket. He told himself it was for her benefit but his own family was closer than they had been in years and her warmth, pressed against him, kept his ghosts at bay. "Only it hasn't happened yet, they're there somewhere, my mother and grandmother. They don't know what's going to happen to them." She sniffed. "The really stupid thing was, after she gave it to me, the argument just didn't seem as important any more."
And somewhere out there was a young Alex waiting for his father to come home. Action and consequence. How often did they swoop into a situation and leave before the repercussions were felt. Maybe it was the only way they could do it, save the day and skip the clean-up. It wasn't the decisions that were made in the heat of battle that were hard; it was picking up the pieces when it was all over and the dust had settled enough for the cost to be counted. Only Samantha was an undeniable result of what they had done. Whatever would have happened to her if they hadn't intervened, they had and the repercussions of that was now their responsibility.
He let Mina go slowly when she began to draw away. She looked up at him defiantly, daring him to make something of her moment of human vulnerability as if it made her something less. He ran his thumb along the edge of the material that cradled her face, a platonic caress from temple to chin, before placing a kiss on her forehead. Her eyes were large and dark, glistening with unshed tears. It was so easy to forget how young she was. Had she turned twenty? It was hard tell when travelling around eternity in a ship where the calendar changed from one second to the next. He remembered what it had been like at that age, how adult you felt and it was only when you looked back later you realised that you were just fooling yourself and learning to fool other people.
Her lips pursed and there was that moment of recognition between them that she was an attractive young woman (weren't they all in their own ways) and he was a man like any other and Alex wondered for a moment whether she found him attractive in return. He liked women; he liked women a lot. Women, men... he wasn't entirely convinced by Jack's stories about some of his more intimate alien encounters but otherwise he considered himself fairly open to experimentation as long as it was safe, sane and consensual... although some argument could be made about the safe and sane where Mulder was involved. Mina blinked and smiled at him a little cheekily and he smiled back. They were good; there would be no complications. She gave him another quick squeeze of a hug and returned to her work.
Alex looked across the room and saw that Dan was watching them, an expression of concern on his face. Alex smiled at him and Dan relaxed, looking fondly at where Mina's lower half stuck out from underneath the console. She would have had a go at them both for their patronising attitudes if she saw but with some technology to play with, and Alex hoped it wasn't connected to anything vital, they could have put on matching tutus and staged an impromptu performance of Swan Lake and she wouldn't have noticed. He hadn't been a big brother for so long he wasn't sure he could remember anything beyond the teasing and hair pulling. It was probably lucky he wasn't sticking around for long; he had got used to keeping his own company and Torchwood's idea of a work social was talking crap over take-away when some crisis or other had kept them late again or the occasional drink after a worse day than normal. Gwen had made noises about some kind of team bonding but against the united front of her colleagues' various antisocial habits she hadn't made much headway. Staying at the Embassy was enough like barracks that the close presence of other people hadn't bothered him, but even there almost all of his contact with them was professional. Dan spoke of brothers, sisters, cousins, second-cousins and grandparents, both adopted and blood, as if it was normal to have them all running around the same house. That was colony life apparently. Alex suspected he sometimes missed all the noise in the silence of space.
"Samantha?" Dan broke into her interrogation of the Doctor, taking advantage of a mutual pause for breath. "Would you like to see your room?"
She looked at him, head tilted to one side. Alex had to assume her conclusion was favourable as she nodded. As they walked off Alex could hear Samantha peppering Dan with questions beginning with whether he hurt his leg in the war. Apparently some things didn't change and the ability of children to find sudden reserves of energy at the most inconvenient time was one of them. Rather him than me, Alex thought to himself. Dan was one of those strange people who claimed to like children, although he'd still found Alex's automatic 'but I couldn't eat a whole one' response funny, so Alex figured he deserved everything he got. Especially if it gave him a way to work off any guilt he was feeling.
"All finished?" the Doctor asked brightly as Dan and Samantha vanished into the depths of the TARDIS.
"No," Mina began but the Doctor wasn't listening.
"Next stop: Washington. Again." He pulled one of the levers, seemingly at random; the column in the centre of the TARDIS began to pump and everything lurched.
Alex was beginning to suspect that the jerkiness was not an integral part of the TARDIS's operation so much as the Doctor's inability to fly his own ship.
The landing was marginally less turbulent than the first. It was like being on one of those runaway mine train rollercoaster rides where they deliberately made the car shake so that you thought that any moment the entire thing would come apart around you. Alex had loved those as a child. The rush of adrenaline and the tiny thrill of fear. The TARDIS was the ultimate ride and if you wanted you could touch down at a different station each time. Each journey a new ride with a new destination and a new thrill, without the need to queue in between. It had been... educational.
Looking out of the door Alex was pleased to see that they had actually managed to return to the same place they had left. He'd put his suit back on but the Doctor had let him keep the leathers. Who knew, maybe Mulder could dust off his official FBI jacket and there were cowboys aplenty in Washington. It gave him something to think about, now that he was back, rather than the immediacy of Nicholas' injuries.
"I hope your friend is all right," Samantha had said quietly when they had explained why they were dropping him off, and had clung to Dan's side. The plan seemed to be that she would go to live with Dan's family for a few years and then, if she wanted, the Doctor had a friend in Ealing who would take her in. Alex had just shaken his head quietly, not quite believing that Samantha might end up on a farm with a pony after all. She seemed nice enough but he wasn't sure how to deal with her and she appeared to have similar misgivings about him. He silently wished her a better life than her brother.
They'd all piled out of the TARDIS to say good bye, clustered around the doorway as if straying too far from the magic of the box would make some residue of his leaving rub off on them and require them to leave as well. Mina and Dan looked like they wanted to hug him but he stepped back before they could, giving them both nods. He hadn't expected it to be hard.
The Doctor walked a few steps with him, "You sure you don't want to come with us?" he asked. "You could, you know. Time travel and all. We can argue about you carrying weapons some more."
Alex thought about it. Travelling the universe, discovering its secrets; Mulder would have jumped at the chance. Part of him wanted to go; to see the marvels as well as the threats and tragedies. At least with the Doctor he would be facing general malevolence rather than people with a personal grudge against him. If he was honest, Alex had to acknowledge that there weren't too many places left on the earth, outside Cardiff, where that was true. And Cardiff was probably just a matter of time. The Doctor was offering him not only a chance to explore time and space, but a fresh start.
Alex looked back at Chandan and Yasmine, waiting with Samantha to hear his decision. They were nice, normal kids having an adventure and they wanted him to share it with them. The offer was genuine, Alex didn't doubt that, but, whether they realised it or not, they didn't just want him - they wanted his experience. Or at least what those experiences had made him. It wasn't about whether he went armed; his gun was just a piece of metal, he didn't need it when the world was full of weapons waiting to be picked up and no assassins with his name on their bullets waiting for him in every shadow. The problem was not the gun in his hand, it was the one in his head. Could he be more than the hired muscle? He'd never shied away from what he had become; a killer, an assassin, a liar, manipulator and spy. His only defence was that he never did anything lightly or for fun, never killed or double-crossed mindlessly or to satisfy some internal urge. He never enjoyed the thrill of it beyond the adrenaline rush of still being alive at the end. He did what was necessary and that was it. On the occasional melancholy night when he wondered whether Mulder was right about him, Alex suspected that everyone said that.
Whether it was true or not, whatever he had done, Alex had never worked with people who weren't just as dirty as he was, normally more so. Even when Nicholas acted to keep Mark clean it was the same, Mark was the target to be escorted and managed, while Nicholas' peers were back in London or around the world with guns in their metaphorical hands. That would change if Alex accepted the Doctor's offer. Alex understood why the Doctor would risk planets for his companions - they were his salvation and his soul. However they were also his damnation. He could give them the universe as a small part of himself, share in their wonder and enthusiasm, but then he would lose them. Even in the best case, the Doctor would be leaving them behind to a better life, whether they wanted it or not, rather than watching them die. By intention or serendipity, with Alex on the team there was not only more chance of the former, but there was more chance that the Doctor would be able to leave them with a clear conscience, as innocent as when he had plucked them from their disrupted lives. And Alex understood that the Doctor needed that as he needed Mulder and Jack needed his team, the pilot lights from which the main fire kept burning. But Alex wasn't innocent, and could never be again without downing Torchwood's entire supply of retcon. Travelling with the Doctor he would always be the sword, shield and knife in the dark, in his own mind if not in the Doctor's, because he would always see the need.
"You know why I have to say no, don't you?" Alex said quietly.
The Doctor nodded. Alex thought he looked sad but it was a little hard to tell. It would have been easier for both of them if what the Doctor had wanted was a soldier, then neither of them would have been disappointed by Alex's answer.
"You know where I am. You know where Jack is. If you need us..." Alex let the offer trail off. The Doctor's world just didn't work like that. The Doctor knew where, and when, Jack was. He had always known and yet Alex hadn't heard of him as more than a few cryptic comments about the medical profession until their accidental meeting. Alex had no reason to think that his presence would change anything. For all he knew the Doctor had hundreds of people scattered across time and space whom he could call on if he needed but who, while they waited, spent their time cleaning up the little messes in their small bits of the universe.
The Doctor smiled in that peculiar way that he had - as if he knew the secrets of the next moments but was willing to humour those slowed by normal constraints of time. In anyone else, Alex would be tempted to wipe the smug smirk off their face but there was no arrogance in the expression, just a weary acceptance. The Doctor lowered his chin in a half nod hiding his mobile mouth, and veiling his eyes behind the curtain of his lashes. With those expressive features hidden he looked like nothing more than the middle aged man he seemed, face lined by no more than the normal cares. It made it easier to walk away - Alex had been walking away from appeals to his better nature for most of his adult life. He turned and began to leave before stupidity made him change his mind. It wasn't everyday that someone offered you the universe. Behind him he could hear the sounds of the Doctor chivvying everyone back inside his impossible ship but he didn't turn. Turning would be one step closer to turning and running back.
"Oh and Alex," the Doctor called. Alex stopped and looked over his shoulder at where the other man's head and shoulders leant out from the doorway. "Tell Ianto not to worry."
With a last wave the door closed before Alex could ask why in particular Ianto would be worrying, and why he should stop.
Next Part...
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