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[simon-lloyd.livejournal.com]

Title: King Kong
Author: Simon Lloyd
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Legolas/Chopper (Choppolas?)
Warnings: Foul language, naughtiness, and a very kinky Australian.
Feedback: Please.
Disclaimer: Mark “Chopper” Read is a real person. My version of Chopper is based on the movie Chopper, starring Eric Bana. I know nothing of the real Chopper. Don’t hurt me, Mr. Read. The story takes place at the “Men (and Elves) of Myth Convention,” which is Stewardess's brilliant creation.
Summary: When Chopper met Legolas.
Notes: For those of you who have seen Chopper, I chose to use young!Chopper, pre-ear “tweaking.” For those of you who have not seen the movie, just think of a younger Eric Bana. *g*
I also highly recommend Chopper to everyone who has not yet seen it.
Dedications: the scrumptious beta elf_skitzo, another crazy Australian, Stewardess, and Perseph2hades for getting me hooked on Bana.

x-posted in crossoverfic, men_of_myth, and naked_brunch


Legolas never would have used the free spa getaway coupon had he known about the fiasco that would ensue. The coupon had arrived in a gift basket Eomer had sent him as part of his birthday gift. And after a particularly grueling archery workout, Legolas had decided to take advantage of the offer.

He would have to travel a bit before reaching his destination, but Legolas rationalized roaming the lengthy distance by telling himself he needed a vacation.

Before he received the services, a spa representative informed him that the, "Men and Elves of Myth Convention" would take place in the hotel next door. Legolas made no mention of his familiarity with the event.

After the fiasco of the prior years, Legolas had sworn he would never go back to the convention. However, as he moaned into the pillow of the massage bench, and Lars, the gigantic Swede, worked the tension from his shoulders, he decided some leisure time with fellow elves could do no harm.

_____

Legolas sat on the uncomfortable, plastic chair in the office and glared at the man seated across from him.

The man was human from what he could determine, middle-aged, and judging from his protruding stomach, not a warrior. Legolas eyed the name plate on the table: Roy White.

Roy smiled at Legolas and pushed the stack of papers towards him before placing a pen on top of the contract. He leaned back in his chair and brushed his hand across the three strands of hair covering his bald head.

“So, you see, it’s a crime not to snatch this real estate while it’s cheap, Mr. Greenleaf. This is very valuable real estate. Very valuable,” White said, tapping his index finger on the heap of papers to emphasize the words.

Legolas fondled the hilt of his short sword.

“As an elf, I think you’ll enjoy Orlando very much. We have pleasant weather year round, and the condo’s proximity to Disney World promises fun for the whole family. I’m sure your children would love that. Are there any little Greenleafs?”

“No,” Legolas responded icily, fingers curling around the hilt. He hated these high-pressure sales situations.

Upon arriving at the hotel, he’d tried to secure the same suite he had stayed in during the other conventions, but suddenly he found himself in the back room, being shown pictures of condominiums he did not wish to purchase.

“Oh,” White said, looking slightly dejected. “Well, Mr. Greenleaf. If you’ll just sign here, here, aaand here, you can be on your way.” White smiled and pushed the pen towards Legolas.

“I have told you already...I do not desire your property,” Legolas responded promptly, straightening in his seat.

White sat back in his chair, lacing his fingers over his swollen stomach. “Legolas, what is it going to take for me to put you in a condo this afternoon?”

Showing uncharacteristic annoyance, Legolas sighed.
_____

After escaping the timeshare pitch, Legolas walked into the hotel bar and discretely glanced around, looking for familiar faces. Seeing none, he sat at the bar.

He ordered a Cherry Coke, a beverage Aragorn had introduced him to, and that Legolas found delightfully refreshing.

As he savored the carbonation bubbles fizzing on his tongue, someone sat down beside him.

“’ello, blondie.”

Legolas set down his glass and looked to the grinning stranger, and he immediately felt uncomfortable. The strange man looked as if he was snarling rather than smiling.

“Good evening,” Legolas replied, politely. He glanced past the man and saw a row of unoccupied seats along the bar. He instinctively tensed, wondering why the stranger chose to sit directly beside him. Legolas found himself cursing Eomer and his gift basket for the hundredth time since he had arrived in Orlando.

As the bartender walked past them, Legolas asked for his bill. He wanted to return to his suite immediately. Attending the convention had been a mistake, he decided.

“Aw, don’t be like that. M’just making conversation.”

Legolas wrinkled his nose as he watched the man light a cigarette. Aragorn and Boromir smoked pipe weed, but there was something distinctively crude about the rolled cigarettes of the lower class men. While he did not smoke pipe weed, he enjoyed its smell. It was sweet, and familiar. The smoke billowing from this man, however, smelled bitter, and offended Legolas’s senses.

The prince turned slightly and eyed the man. He appeared to be in adequate condition, though he was no warrior, and there were strange tattoos covering his bare arms. Legolas assumed the marks covered the man’s entire body, though he couldn’t be sure because the rest of his torso was covered by his shirt.

Somehow, he looked familiar. “Have we met?” Legolas asked cautiously, consciously remaining polite. It would prove most embarrassing if he was to be rude to a diplomat.

“I think I’d remember if I’d met you, Goldilocks,” the man said, grinning. Legolas scowled, and the man erupted into laughter, his lips pulling back into a large smile as he opened his mouth. The man’s gaze flickered downward, along his body, and Legolas tensed again.

“My name is Legolas,” he said, and looked away when Chopper smirked.

He glanced to the bartender, wondering how long it would take to receive his bill. He should have just charged it to his room.

“You can call me, Mark, if you like. But most call me Chopper.” Legolas blinked and looked back to the man.

“Chopper?” he asked, over-emphasizing both syllables.

Mark erupted into laughter again. “Right. Chopper. Uncle Chop Chop,” he said, leaning forward and tapping Legolas’s thigh with the side of his hand, as though it was an axe.

Legolas cursed himself for removing his short blade before coming to the bar. The bartender returned then, placing his bill in front of him. He hastily signed his name, and wrote his room number beside it. Then he stood and looked to the man. “It was a pleasure making your acquaintance, Mark. I’m afraid I must take my leave now.”

Mark’s lips formed into an “o” and he gazed at Legolas in amusement. “Pleasure was mine, blondie.”

Legolas quickly grew frustrated when he felt his face warm and he immediately turned to leave. When he felt a hand upon his wrist, he yanked his arm free and glared at Mark.

“Easy, there,” Mark said, holding up his hands and offering a toothy grin. “Just going to ask what yer doing later, is all. Pretty thing like you shouldn’t go around unescorted.”

Legolas straightened and lifted his chin. “Whatever I choose to do later this evening, it shall not include you.” He turned and walked from the bar, his ears burning as he heard Chopper howling with laughter.

____

Legolas began packing his bags.

He’d only been at the convention for a day, and he was ready to leave.

After the unpleasant occurrence at the bar, he had decided to go for a walk through the hotel’s garden. He enjoyed the lush foliage, and it was usually peaceful around the grounds.

Unfortunately, he had crossed paths with princes Hector and Paris.

As was his princely duty, he had tried to make agreeable conversation with the two men even though they had been blatantly staring at him. Hector had looked as though he was drugged, and Paris as though he was a hunter stalking prey.

Prince Paris invited him to dinner, and Legolas declined. Then Paris reworded the already polite invitation and asked again. Legolas felt unusually panicked, made his excuses, and bid the brothers a good afternoon.

Paris had said goodbye, saying he would ring his room later. Hector stood there, saying nothing.

Legolas had retreated to his room and started packing.

Once his bags were in order, he telephoned the main desk and said he would need a taxi to take him to the airport. When he set the phone down into its cradle, someone knocked on his door.

Legolas felt a tightening in his chest. He told himself he was being foolish. He would look through the peephole, and if it was Prince Paris, he would not answer the door.

He leaned against the door and peered through the small hole. Legolas sighed, hesitated for a moment, then unlocked the door.

“How did you find my room?” he asked.

Chopper laughed and eased past him, walking to the breakfast nook table where he set down a bottle of liquor. When he turned around, he was still bearing his teeth in a wide grin.

“Paris told me where you were stayin.’” Chopper opened the mini-fridge and plucked a glass from the door. He poured himself a drink of the dark-colored liquor. Legolas could smell whatever it was from where he was standing.

Chopper extended the glass to him. Legolas shook his head; Chopper shrugged and took a swig of the drink. He squinted, winced, then “Ahh”ed and grinned at Legolas.

The man sat down at the table and folded his legs- ankle to knee. Legolas was standing in the small anteroom, silent. Chopper sighed exasperatedly and tilted his head back.

“Aw, don’t be like that. Look, I wanted to come by and say hello, seeing as how you were chuckin’ a bit of a wobbly last time we spoke.”

Legolas lifted his chin. He had no idea what the man was talking about, but the description sounded unflattering. “I was not…chucking a bit of a wobbly. You were rude.”

Chopper slowly rotated the glass on his palm, his fingertips nearly touching the lip of it. Either the glass was small, or his hands were enormous. His chin lowered toward his chest slightly and he gazed upward toward Legolas.

“I was rude,” he repeated. Legolas shifted his weight to the other leg and glanced to the door. He opened his mouth to speak, but Chopper spoke first.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be.” While Legolas tried to work out if the apology was sincere or not, Chopper finished his drink, poured himself another one, and kept talking. “I brought a peace offering, Leggie. So relax and enjoy, okay?”

Chopper lifted a long leg and kicked out the other chair to the table. He nodded towards it. Legolas sat down, eyeing Chopper warily the entire time. “No, thank you,” he said when Chopper offered him his drink again.

Chopper eyed him disapprovingly and sipped his drink again, staring at Legolas over the rim of the glass. Legolas felt all coherent thoughts leave his mind as he readied himself for some kind of attack.

“I bet you’re a wild one in bed, ay Leggie?”

Legolas felt his face warm, and much to his alarm, other parts of his body as well. Chopper’s belly laugh filled his ears and he glowered at the man.

“Yeah…the quiet ones are always wild.” Chopper’s smile was becoming contagious, and Legolas had to school his features to keep them neutral. However, he could not think of a proper response, so he stayed quiet. Perhaps if he was quiet, Chopper would leave.

“I’ve got everyone figured except you.” That statement interested Legolas and he eyed Chopper’s face curiously. “That Aragorn has eyes for the other bloke…Faramir!” Chopper declared, pointing at Legolas when he had remembered the name. “And Prince Paris..bloooody hell!” Chopper howled, laughing. “Talk about a wild one.”

“He is a snake,” Legolas pointed out. He was not angry. He was merely stating the truth.

“Right,” Chopper said, topping off his drink, “The snake has nice legs, then.” He smiled at him, and Legolas felt the corner of his mouth lift. “There we go! Not so hard, is it?”

Legolas let the full smile break across his lips and he laughed softly, dropping his gaze to eye his hands, which remained folded on his lap.

“Don’t know how you do it, Goldilocks.”

When Legolas looked to him again, Chopper remained quiet, letting the silence stretch between them. It was as if he knew the anticipation was bothering Legolas, and he enjoyed bothering him. Finally, Chopper spoke again. “Don’t you get tired of bein’ so bloody disciplined?”

Legolas blinked owlishly and opened his mouth to speak. However, not quickly enough.

“I mean, Jesus! Everyone else is fucken like rabbits, and you’re here by yourself!”

Legolas stood quickly. “Mark, I must ask you to leave.”

He felt an odd sense of satisfaction when Chopper looked at him, startled, his mouth open. Chopper might have the power to control the conversation, but he still had the power to throw him out of the room.

Slowly, Chopper seemed to overcome his surprise. “Right-o,” he said, standing and finishing off his drink. “Shame, that. We could have had fun, blondie.”

Legolas felt himself tense again. The man’s nicknames were becoming annoying. Chopper’s presence was becoming annoying.

Chopper walked past the table, and Legolas was about to remind him about his half-empty bottle of liquor when he realized the man was standing inches from him. He could smell the liquor on his breath.

Legolas forced himself to look the man in the eyes. As he did so, he realized who Chopper reminded him of.

Chopper was a few inches taller than him, and while he had Prince Hector’s bodily presence, they could not have been more different. Hector was a divine specimen- favored by the gods.

Chopper was human, and he looked it. His body looked as though it was strong, but capable of being conquered; subdued. Legolas’s face was burning.

He wondered when Chopper had wrapped his arms around his waist. Then he was sure he was falling because the man was pressing against him, and he had no strength in his body at that moment to hold them both upright.

The mattress broke his fall, and Legolas snapped out his daze.

His hand flew to the bedside table where his short sword laid. He had it unsheathed and pointed against Chopper’s side before the man could blink.

The tip of his blade pushed against Chopper’s ribs, and Legolas smiled slowly. The man seemed undaunted as he leaned into the sword and stared at Legolas’s face, his mouth open.

“Cheeky dog,” Chopper rasped. “Have a go at it, then. I fucken dare ya.”

Legolas’s fingers tensed about the hilt as his legs tightened around Chopper’s waist. If he had truly wished the man dead, he would have cut his throat long ago.

But now it was a game. He pushed the blade forward minutely and watched in wonder as the man failed to react.

He probably could have stabbed him, and Chopper would not have blinked.

“Go on,” Chopper sneered. “Ya wouldn’t be the first.”

Legolas’s curiosity got the better of him. He eased the blade away from Chopper’s side and allowed the man to remove his shirt. He just wanted to look.

When he did, he saw white scars speckled across his chest and stomach. Chopper had been stabbed before. The realization did not surprise him.

His arm lolled to the side and he dropped the sword to the floor. Chopper’s fingers curled into his hair and yanked his head back; Legolas bared his teeth and groaned deeply in his throat.

“Now, that’s a good little elf,” Chopper muttered, lowering his large frame on top of him. Legolas immediately felt the air leave his lungs. He opened his mouth to say something, but forgot what when he felt Chopper’s large hand snake beneath his leggings and cup between his thighs.

Chopper cupped his balls and squeezed slowly, his thumb caressing along the flesh there. Legolas locked his jaw when the man’s face lowered toward him, and he realized what was coming.

He was either going to moan or wretch.

So when Chopper’s mouth pressed to his, Legolas bit down on his lower lip, and the man cried out in surprise. His hand flew to his bleeding lip, and he began swearing as he cupped his mouth and chin.

“You fucken cunt!”

Legolas gripped Chopper’s waist with his thighs, pressed one hand to the mattress and gripped the head board with the other, and flipped them over.

Chopper landed on his back hard, and Legolas gripped the headboard and locked his knees against the man’s hips in case he tried to buck him off. Chopper looked so startled that Legolas laughed.

His surprise faded, and soon Chopper was leering again, his hands moving to rest upon Legolas’s waist. The man’s dark gaze rested upon his face, and Legolas realized he was still smiling.

“Havin’ a bit of a giggle?”

Legolas shifted so he was seated directly on the man’s crotch and ground his hips backward.

“Ah,” Chopper sighed, “Doin’ yourself a mischief, Leggieloo?”

He was growing frustrated at the man’s ability to talk during a moment such as this. Chopper also seemed to be growing frustrated, but for different reasons. He pushed Legolas backwards until he was seated on his thighs. Then the man unfastened his pants, pushed down the waistband of his boxers, and released his erection.

Legolas immediately gripped Chopper’s cock. As he stroked it, he decided the man had more than just a big mouth.

“You like ‘im?” Legolas heard him ask. Chopper’s hand intruded his vision, and he slapped his belly. Legolas looked up and saw that the words “King Kong” were tattooed directly below Chopper’s navel. “Give ‘im a kiss, then,” he said, grinning.

Legolas reached up and gripped one of Chopper’s nipples with his fingers and twisted, hard. Chopper‘s mouth opened and he gasped.

They wrestled one another out of their clothing, which proved tricky, especially when Chopper grabbed the bottom of Legolas’s leggings and nearly turned him upside down to free the elf of them.

When Legolas knelt nude before him, Chopper reached around and grabbed his rear. He immediately shoved the man onto his back and straddled his lap again. Legolas could hear Chopper saying something, but he fought to block out the man’s voice.

He wouldn’t let Chopper ruin this for him. But then he sounded more insistent, and Legolas finally paused when he saw the man’s hand cradling a small tube. He looked to Chopper’s face and immediately scowled when he saw him grinning.

“I figured you’d warm up to me.”

He grabbed it from him and quickly slicked Chopper’s cock. Legolas rocked backwards and felt the head press between his cheeks. The cool lube smeared across his flesh and he shivered in response. Through half-lidded eyes, he gazed downward and saw Chopper grinning lecherously at him.

He opened his mouth to chide the awful man, but the words caught in his throat when the head pushed against his entrance. Legolas whispered something in his native tongue, and he felt Chopper’s hands tighten upon his hips.

Legolas eased forward and gripped the man’s shoulders so he could push back against his cock. When the head sank inside, he wailed, and immediately regretted the blatant display of arousal when Chopper muttered something foreign and filthy in his ear.

He did not understand half of what the man said to him, but he understood its lewd meaning.

Legolas could not tell if he was moving, or if Chopper was pushing him, but eventually the entire length of the man’s cock was inside of him.

“Go on, then. Give ole’ King Kong a ride.” Chopper’s lips were upon his ear, and when Legolas failed to immediately move, the man began tonguing a pointed tip. Legolas growled and whipped his head back.

He shoved Chopper until the man was on his back. With the heels of his hands digging into his shoulder blades, he began thrusting back onto his cock. Chopper snarled and dug his feet into the mattress and bent his knees, and as Legolas began to move, he threw his hips up to meet him.

Legolas felt as though his body was on fire as he rocked atop the man, his rear colliding with his upward thrusting hips. As they perfected their rhythm, Chopper’s cock began to sink inside perfectly, touching him just where he needed to be touched. Legolas wailed again, and threw his head back, his eyes closed; his lips parted as he panted for breath.

He felt Chopper grabbing his hair, pulling, pushing, but he could not respond. The gesture did not feel cruel, but rather frantic, as though Chopper was trying to anchor himself. He was rising higher and higher, his mind drifting from his body, and Legolas began to move selfishly. He moved his hips in muted circles, rubbing the generous length of Chopper’s cock in a strategic pattern inside him.

Legolas ignored Chopper’s growled instructions until the man powerfully gripped his waist and began bucking his hips upward. Legolas shrieked, “Ai!” and Chopper laughing manically even as he pumped his cock inside him.

Thoughts of fighting the man flew from his mind and his fingernails dug into Chopper’s shoulders as his cock drove into him. Then Legolas was moaning what he had shrieked over and over, and Chopper was no longer laughing, but panting and groaning endlessly.

Legolas forced his eyes open and saw Chopper’s face. His brow was furrowed, and his lips were pulled back, but not in a sneer or grin. He looked pained. “Aw, fuck!” the man howled, and Legolas moaned in response.

His hand gripped the headboard, and his cock slapped against his stomach as he shoved his hips backward. Legolas gripped his erection, squeezing and tugging as Chopper moved inside him.

The heat building in his groin suddenly broke free and spread throughout his body. Legolas arched his back and cried when he came, his seed spilling across his hand and Chopper’s stomach. He clung to the headboard while he rode out Chopper’s climax, and allowed the man to hold his hips as he thrust upward.

Legolas’s voice hung in the air, wavering as it did when he sang, but Chopper’s swearing shattered the ethereal sound as he came. Panting for breath, Legolas slid off the man’s lap, and fell onto a vacant part of the mattress.

Before he laid down his head, he saw Chopper pluck a few tissues out of the dispenser upon the bedside table. He smiled smugly as the man cleaned off his stomach where Legolas’s seed covered an obnoxiously large “K”.

Strands of hair clung to his cheek- damp and cool- when his temple met the pillow. He felt Chopper moving beside him.

“Ya look good starkers, blondie.“

He sighed, turned is back to Chopper, and quickly fell asleep.

___

Legolas rolled over and extended his arm, reaching across the warm, vacant half of the bed. He lifted his head and saw a piece of paper on the mattress.

He picked it up.

Legolus-

My mate Jim rang. He needs me.
Take care of yerself blondy

-Chop

PS Nice ears

____

Additional Notes:

* “Chucking a wobbly”: when a person has a little bit of a rant and rave, or gets overly upset at a situation.

* Starkers=Naked

* Chopper served a sixteen and a half year jail term for kidnapping a judge during a bungled attempt to free Jimmy (Jim) Loughnan, his best friend, from jail.

* All misspellings in Chopper's note to Legolas are intentional. After all, Mr. Read is "semi-bloody illiterate." *g*