The Middle Path: Stepping on the Path
Dec. 10th, 2006 03:12 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
ariana2500.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
crossoverficAuthor: Deb Terry
Fandom:Stargate SG-1/Highlander:The Series
Genres:Crossover, AU
Relationship(s): Jack/Daniel, Jack/Daniel/OFC, Methos/Duncan, past Methos/OFC, past Methos/Duncan/OFC
Disclaimer: I can but dream. I don't own any of the characters but the AU is pretty much mine.
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Minor for Abyss
Warnings: Dunno.......you tell me.
Summary: Something wyrd happens in Jack's cell that will change his, Daniel's, and the SGC's fate forever.
Author's Note: Feel free to flame, if this fic makes you uncomfortable or offends you in any way, I want to know about it. Just please respect the community and send them to me at quester@sunflower.com. Everyone will be answered will a rationale for WHY the thing that bothered you is there.
This had to be cut into scenes for space......three scenes will be posted per part ususally.
Jack woke up, he didn't know how long later. The light was the same, the misty sky, the hills, everything was the same except Daniel was softly caressing his hair and face, looking down at him with all the love Jack had ever hoped for. "Hey," he said quietly, still aware of the other warm presence sleeping at his side, "Weren't you supposed to keep watch?"
"I did, for a while. Nothing seemed to change, absolutely nothing. If you'll notice it's not too hot, or too cold, too wet or too dry; everything is even. Everything is in balance. I've never experienced anything like it before. Then she started muttering in her sleep." Daniel looked at the woman that Jack couldn't help think of as Ari for some reason. "She muttered in a lot of Gaelic dialects, some other languages and English. Some of the languages I've never heard before, not surprising if she's as old as she's claimed. But I have heard something of a common theme, Jack." Daniel face was serious and a little pale, "She's been hurt, a lot of times and in a lot of different ways, and some of those hurts weren't that long ago." Daniel sighed, his forehead furrowing, "She said she was safe when she laid against your chest, Jack. I've gotten the feeling that that feeling is about as rare as naquada on our world."
"You're right." Ariana's sleepy voice intruded before Jack could say anything. She shifted, nuzzled Jack's chest one last time, breathing in his scent, and reluctantly sat up, pushing her hands through her waves of red hair. "You two, as part of SG-1, risk your lives every time you go through the gate but on base, on Earth you are relatively safe. I am an Immortal, someone, sometime, way way back in time started this legend that there can be only one which basically means most Immortals believe that we have to fight and take the heads of each other until one of us is left. They think that one will get some prize or power or something." She tilted her head. " A certain power, or life-force, is released when our heads are taken and usually absorbed into the victor. We call it the Quickening. What that has to do with us being Earth's defense against the Goua'ld I don't know other than that it would kill any symbiote trying to enter us. I'm only just beginning to put the pieces together. But the reality is that I risk my life just walking around a corner. Holy ground is our only refuge and I'm not exactly welcome in most churches, not by the worshippers anyway."
"But you put that off to come to us, to rescue me?" Jack sat up. He still couldn't quite believe what this woman had done for them, what she apparently felt for them.
Ariana shrugged and stroked the grass beside her, "Had to, Jack, wanted you to live, wanted you to have a chance with Daniel." Her voice lowered, "Wanted to live myself."
"Excuse me?" surely Jack hadn't heard the last part.
Ariana continued to stroke the grass beside her, her voice was low but so fierce and determined that both the men were a little scared. "The day your heart ceases to beat is the day I offer my head to the first Immortal I can find." Jack and Daniel both started to protest but she stopped them with a firm hand on Jack's leg. "There comes a time in every life, mortal or immortal, where duty, family, and just about everything else just isn't enough to get you out of bed in the morning. There has to be a person," she smiled a little. "Or more than one, to get up and live for. When they are gone all you can do is follow and hope you will be with them on the other side. I've watched generations die. Babies that I have delivered with my own hands ….die, at every stage of life. There just comes a time when it is one death too many. That death would be the two of you, for I've been told you will go together somehow. Maybe that's not how the Gods first wanted it to be but I've made my choice." She laughed, a little bitterly to Jack's ears. "First conscious choice I've ever really made in 2500 years. I'm not letting anyone take that away from me, not even you."
Daniel, ever perceptive, picked up on something, "Not what the Gods originally planned?"
Ariana looked at them quickly and ducked her head, "Kinda starting at the end but I guess it's as good a start as any." She was silent for a moment. Jack moved nearer to Daniel. He saw a flash of pain on Ariana's face and slightly regretted doing it. She had said that they were easy to love but watching her basically rip her heart out and slice it up for their perusal did stir something in him, he wasn't sure what though, whether it was pity or something deeper. He looked at Daniel and saw the compassion he always saw there in these types of situations. He was glad, he had sorely missed it. Jonas always had lots of enthusiasm but the all-encompassing compassion of a Daniel Jackson had been absent from their lives. Then he turned his attention back to Ariana as she began to speak again in a tightly-controlled voice. "You'd think in 2500 years I would know a lot about love. Most Immortals do, they fall in and out of love regularly, with mortals and with each other. But my ….. training and my talents set me apart from the beginning. I knew passion and sexual hunger, of a sort, at every Beltane. It was forced into me by the Land itself true, but I was told that it was my place and I accepted that." She pulled down her neckline a bit and revealed a gold band around her throat. It looked for all intents and purposes like a thick roped noose made of gold.
"A torc." Daniel said and shifted over to touch it. Ariana leaned into the touch for a moment then apparently got herself under control. // She really does love both of us.// Jack thought. Her love for him had been unmistakable; she had been willing to take what might have been endless torture for him, but this was the first evidence that she also loved Daniel. Jack could see that Daniel saw this and it surprised him too but he buried it under academic curiosity. "I've never seen one quite like this. It's almost exactly like a garrote ready to be tightened."
"No, no one other than my Family have seen it," Ariana agreed, "And you won't. These particular kinds of torcs were, with one exception in all of history, melted down after the wearer died because of what they symbolized. This torc is almost as old as I am, it's practically a part of my body for all that I can take it off. It's the one possession I have never lost, never been allowed to lose. There is only one other like it in the world now and that I myself placed around Michael Collins' neck for the last time before his funeral and was buried with him in Glasnevin Cemetery"
"What does it symbolize?" The glow of discovery was all over Daniel; God Jack had missed that, too, and for longer then Daniel had been gone. Over the past few years Daniel had had to become more of a soldier rather than an explorer and Jack guiltily acknowledged his part in that. Ariana met his eyes with a look of understanding and, yep there it was plain as day again, love. Jack just didn't know what to do with that and focused back on Daniel, idly wondering if Ariana ever missed anything. Somehow he doubted it.
"It symbolizes that I am a willing sacrifice for the People, for the tribe, Daniel. There were, well, not many of us, there were never many of us, but there was a group of us throughout the tribes and the culture of my birth. Part of the sacrifice is to lay down my body at Beltane for the fertility of the land. It's part of my function, something I can never escape from, it's too programmed into me, into my subconscious." She looked uncomfortable and embarrassed about it but determined to tell the truth. "Mick's torc symbolized much the same thing, he was the sacrifice for Ireland in his time. And he went to his death with the true serenity of a Sacred Year King." Ariana sighed softly in regret well aged.
"So you would just lay down and have sex with anybody on this Beltane?" Jack asked, "You were made to, that's …. That's rape, institutionalized rape."
Ariana sighed and tilted her head, "Is it? I've never really been able to get that quite straight in my mind. I mean when Beltane comes the hunger is in me, it consumes me, obsesses me and there is only one way to satisfy it, so is it consent or not? That's not a question I've ever been able to answer."
"How old?" Daniel asked softly, "How old were you when this started happening?"
"When my training began." Ariana face screwed up as she cast her mind back millennia to try to remember, "I think I was about two. I was an empath, that was discovered early. It was kind of obvious. When I was put down next to someone who was happy, I'd be happy, when I was near someone not happy, I started crying. Simple math in those days. It's rarer to be recognized now, people just don't make the connection, so most talents block out that part of themselves before they even learn to speak."
"Then empaths are still being born.?"
"Probably, I don't see any reason why they wouldn't be. I've saved and trained a few in my time. Others that survive childhood intact, well, have to learn on their own or….. something. I'm only one person and until about ten or so years ago I never left the British Isles. Never wanted to."
"What happened?" Oh yeah, Daniel was in for the long haul, Jack could tell, but right now the Colonel was so damned pleased just to be in his presence and touching, he absently noticed that he and Daniel never quite stopped touching, that he'd be happy to let Daniel explore to his hearts content. Anyway he kinda wanted to know too. It was one thing to dismiss curiosity about a crumbling ruin, it was another thing to dismiss a living breathing, and pretty obviously suffering person in front of him. Oh, not to mention that she loved he and Daniel enough that when they died she'd suicide. That definitely focused his attention.
"I was granted a vision from the Gods, under some rather trying circumstances. An Immortal wanted to track down another particular Immortal that he had…. a history with. He found out about my ability to See, which is not only into the future but into the present. He used basically the same methods of persuasion that were recently being used on Jack. That and more ….. intimate ones"
"Rape." Jack stated flatly. Both he and Daniel had been there in their time.
Ariana flapped her hand dismissively but Jack could see her swallow hard. "Oh yeah, been there done that. Anyway it finally did force me to See." For the second time Jack could hear the capital on that word, "And I saw someone that the world knows as Adam Pierson but whose true name, at least as far as he knows, is Methos. He's the oldest Immortal still left alive at 5000 years old. I saw all that he was, all he had been, and for some reason I was allowed for the first time to love, to really love in a romantic sense, what the Greeks would call eros, perhaps even agape. I of course told the other Immortal nothing about what I saw. I had a strength then he couldn't conquer and with it I finally escaped. I knew I would be followed and watched however, so I stayed as far away from Methos as I could, for roughly ten years. Until this other Immortal had found him another way and was defeated. Until Methos himself came to a crossroad where it would be appropriate to help and meet him. Everything is in the timing you know." She smiled mirthlessly.
"Then why aren't you with him, why aren't you loving him instead….." Jack broke off.
"Instead of you?" Ariana shifted, and spoke out loud to the air in some kind of language. Jack looked at Daniel and saw him as mystified as he was. A pile of pillows and cushions appeared behind her. "One rule to remember here guys, take nothing if it is not from my hands or by my will." She said, handing them the pillows to make themselves more comfortable. "I am in effect, your hostage, in the old sense. Taking something from me creates no obligation. Taking something from someone or something else here might. It is the Law of the Land." They all moved themselves to be comfortable, Jack and Daniel still constantly touching and Ariana facing them, although Jack guessed that wasn't exactly where she wanted to be, but she seemed to be content to take only what they would give her. Funny, this made him want to give her more, but a lifetime in the military and years going through the Stargate kept him from doing it. He guessed it was much the same for Daniel. They were in an unfamiliar situation, they had to stick together.
Ariana settled back on her cushions and sighed, "Why am I not with Methos, even though I am legally married to him? Well there are a few reasons but most of them center around Duncan MacLeod. Methos and Duncan had been dancing around each other much like you two have been and I didn't take that into proper account when I went to him, but Methos' life, his very essence, was on the line. An old student of mine who also had history with Methos." She glanced over at Jack and Daniel, "It's not uncommon for us. Few Immortals don't have at least some kind of history with other Immortals. We are an exclusive group and most of us have to wander since we don't age after our first death. So we meet, fall in love, come to hate, start vendettas, yadda, yadda." She grinned at Jack.// Wow she really has been watching us.// "Anyway Methos had been a very different person when he knew this student of mine, in a very different time. But she held a grudge, a very obsessive grudge. When I found I couldn't get her to let it go I drove her out, refused to teach her more. But she learned some tricks anyway and they were enough to threaten Methos' life. She wanted to torture him to death time and time again." She looked at Jack and Daniel with ancient pain in her eyes, "Believe me guys it doesn't take a goua'ld to be evil, the potential exists in every soul. Anyway, even worse then the whole torture revival thing was that after she had tired of him and his pain she was going to make sure he was taken by a mortal far away from any other Immortal and have his head cut off so that his quickening, his essence would be lost for all time. That's…… well that's pretty ultimate for an Immortal, so I was obliged to overcome my frankly pathological fear of leaving the British Isles and go and help."
"And he fell in love with you." Daniel said. Jack nodded in agreement, after all they were in a basically similar situation and he already felt damned fond of the woman.
"Oh yeah," Ari sighed, half pleasure, half regret. "Frankly now I think he may have been influenced by the Gods. He was also of the Old Way and I had been, " she rolled her eyes, "a good girl for so long that They felt I deserved it. But then there was Duncan, who I also loved and could love, because he finally admitted his love to Methos and really for himself too. Duncan is, in most respects, a very good man. One of the best of us, a real knight in shining armor type. We went through some things together, all three of us, passed every test that the Gods placed before us." She snorted, "Even the Gods thought we were forever." Ariana's voice definitely had a bitter cast to it.
"But?" Jack asked, leaning against Daniel and savoring the sheer warmth of the man. He wanted to learn that warmth intimately. And he SO intended to.
"But Methos had loved Duncan first, and without the influence of the Gods." Ariana sighed, "Duncan became possessive and jealous, and to be fair Methos started to need things, things that he had always needed from time to time that I simply could not provide, could barely think about."
"What?" then Daniel blushed, " I'm sorry I'm being too intrusive."
Ariana smiled gently and again with love, although Jack noticed it was somehow different then the looks she cast at him, not less just…..different. He wasn't sure what the difference was but it was there. "No Daniel you are just being who you are and please never change. I want you to know, to understand, and frankly I would rather tell you then you be shown and while we travel you probably would have been, it's part of the Balance. Anyway, Methos has a dark past, a very, very dark past. The kind of stuff that actually created legends of horror and fear that last to this day. He grew out of that phase, he calls it his 'angry adolescence', eventually and ever since has usually been a doctor or healer of some sort. He keeps his medical credentials current to this day under whichever alias he lives under, in atonement I think. But sometimes, sometimes he has a real deep, undeniable need to be punished. And when I mean punished I mean being tied up and whipped until his bones show," Ariana shuddered, "I couldn't do that, I found that I couldn't even be anywhere near it without welts starting to appear on MY back. But Duncan could do it, saw the necessity, even a little bit thinks Methos deserves it. Anyway between that and the jealousy and everything it finally came down to an ultimatum: Me or him. Methos didn't chose me." She said quietly, accepting it.
"And that drove you to search for love elsewhere?" Daniel asked.
"No, Gods I wish it had, I would have been in time to save you from Kelwona." Ariana's eyes had tears in them, tears for them. Jack looked away uneasily. It was getting harder to maintain his distance. This woman felt real guilt for not being there, he knew, guilt was something he was vastly familiar with. "No, I basically hid out for a while and licked my wounds you might say. I was content, I had things to do. I was discarded, surplus to requirements, and I was fairly determined to live with that. But apparently Duncan and Methos, who have a relationship about as calm as you two have, had arguments. Apparently a lot of them. Duncan couldn't accept somehow that he had all of Methos totally, kept accusing him of longing for me whenever Methos thoughts strayed." Ariana shrugged, "Maybe he was right, I'll never know, but Methos set out to prove him wrong." Ariana swallowed hard and took a moment. "Methos is a follower of the Old Way and quite well trained, so basically he has the ability to 'invite' you might say the masculine spirit of the Land, the God of the wilds, the Green Man, Herne, he has many names; into his body. And he came to me as this 'being'. That….. that does something to me, flips switches in my mind I have no control over. Basically I become the feminine to his masculine, and the Goddess always desires the God for the good of the Land. He basically invoked Beltane out of season."
"You spent the night together." Daniel said with his usual sensitivity.
"Oh yes, from what I remember it was quite a night. He didn't hurt me, physically, but basically in the morning he stated all the reasons that he had done it and well as you might put it told me it was a revenge fuck. THAT broke me, that sent me looking for someone that could keep me together, protect me when I could not protect myself, someone who could maybe love me of his own choice. I looked for the ultimate protector as opposed to Methos who has always been the ultimate survivor. When I did I found one man, Jack O'Niell."
"I'M the ultimate protector. You gotta be kidding, I couldn't even protect my own son!" As always that pain and guilt was there to catch him, not much duller than it had ever been. Daniel moved to say something but Ariana beat him to the punch.
"Do NOT! I know that part of your life fairly well and when it comes down to it Charlie made the CHOICE to disobey you. You had TOLD him not to play with ANY guns, even toy ones, much less your own. He made the CHOICE to defy that." Jack tried to get up and away but Ariana grabbed his hands and, God help him, he couldn't break her grip! "I've been there, Jack! I may be infertile, all Immortals are, but I've watched the sons and daughters of my spirit go out and have similar ACCIDENTS happen, even worse I've seen them willingly do it to them selves, suicide, and worst of all I've sent them out to die myself to protect the Family knowing that they would not come back, and burying them all!" Jack sat back down and Ariana caressed his hands. "I've watched a single family for over 2000 years. In that time I've had to do all of that and see them die in famine and plague, not being able to save them, even just watched them grow old and die of natural causes." She seemed focused on his hands to the exclusion of all else. "I've had newborns cry themselves to death in my arms because their mothers had died in childbirth and there was nothing to feed them. Jack, if you think your soul is tarnished, what must mine be?"
"Good God!" Jack choked and he couldn't help it, he leaned his head against her bowed head and kissed her hair, "For 2500 years?" he could barely comprehend it.
"Mmmm-hmmm." Ariana said softly, "That's what an Immortal's life is. To watch friends, lovers, sons and daughters of your heart die for whatever reason. Other Immortals, whether they be friends or not, are basically your opposition, at least that's the way they see it. That doesn't allow for many deep and lasting relationships. Perhaps Methos, Duncan, and I were doomed from the start. I haven't heard that Methos and Duncan have patched things up, as far as I know they are living on different continents.. But I guess there comes a time in every Immortals life when they have to choose to either start hating the mortals who leave them, look for peace at the end of another Immortals sword, or chose to find someone to live for. That's the choice I made. I know you probably don't want me, and you certainly don't have to love me but I NEED to love you, or…..or I'm pretty sure I'm going to go insane. You are my last chance, my last hope."
Daniel also moved closer and rubbed a hand down her back. "But you wouldn't, couldn't come to him when I wasn't there because Jack and I love each other?"
"Oh yeah, wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. You two had to come to terms first. And also." She looked up directly into Daniel cerulean eyes, "Jack O'Niell without Daniel Jackson is but half a soul. I didn't want half of Jack, I want all of him, and all of you, Daniel, each for different but still very valid reasons."
Daniel looked away somewhat uncomfortably, "I didn't know." he whispered.
"I didn't let you know, Danny." Jack freed a hand from Ari's suddenly loose grip to caress the side of Daniel's face, "I was too busy running and hiding and denying that you didn't have a chance. Then I lost my chance." He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Daniel's lips. "We've got a second chance now."
"Yes." Ariana said decisively, "that you do. And I have some hunting and some negotiating to do. That should give you two enough time for a start." She got to her feet. "I pledge that no one and nothing will come here unless I allow it. You have privacy, I suggest you use it." She picked up her spear and started to walk away.
"But…. What about you?" Daniel asked and Jack nearly echoed him. She had said that she loved them but was leaving them with each other.
"Get yourselves in order first, guys. There's time and time enough for me when you are ready, if you are ever ready. Just because you love doesn't mean you are loved and I am content that it be so, although I won't regret a change. Settle yourselves first, I'll be around whenever you have time for me." With that she walked out into the mist until she was lost from sight, giving them no chance to answer.
"God, what the hell is THAT?" Jack asked, almost unconsciously.
"Perfect love," Daniel murmured, "love without ever asking, or even expecting a return. And if I'm not surprised even a thought that maybe she isn't worthy of being loved."
"You're talking from experience aren't you? That's how you've loved me. How long Danny?" Jack asked softly, turning the blue eyed man to face him.
"I'm….I'm not really sure." Daniel said blushing, "I'd never had a real friend before so it was hard to tell when my feelings changed from love of a friend to just love. But it was definitely before Shau're died. I'd start waking up thinking about seeing you that day instead of wondering if that was the day we would rescue her. Started to savor every touch you ever gave me, that kind of melded into desiring the touches you couldn't give me. Tried to hide it but when you started to push me away I thought you knew. That's when it began to really hurt. You?"
Jack cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well I guess all of that stuff happened in my subconscious but I was smacked in the face with it when I saw you flirting with Kira. I wanted to kill her Danny, Kira not Linea, because she got a smile from you I wanted to be mine. That's definitely when I started to put real effort into running and hiding and hurting." He kissed Daniel apologetically, "I never hated you Danny, never really wanted to hurt you. Just wanted these feelings I'd never had before to go AWAY and that meant pushing you away too. Then you were gone and I knew what true emptiness was. I had lost you and really my reason for living. Ariana's right, there comes a time when duty and country aren't the things that get you out of bed in the morning. It's a person and that person for me was gone. I guess that's what ultimately got me into that situation where you found me, begging for death."
"Why wouldn't you ascend then?" Daniel said, stroking his face. Jack leaned into it. "We could have been together."
"Well for all the reasons I told you. I didn't feel worthy of it, that was part of it. But the other part of it was touch. I wanted to touch you, in every way, make love to you, feel you make love to me. I'm sorry but combining energy just didn't have the same ring for me." He smiled at Daniel and kissed him again just because he could.
Daniel grinned. "You can do that now. We've pretty much been assured of privacy and these cushions are very comfortable."
Perhaps at another time Jack would have made a snappy come back but suddenly all the implications of having a blessed second chance washed in on him and words were meaningless. So he took Daniel's head between his hands and started kissing him. Softly at first, barely there but as he grew used to the reality of finally having what he had so long wanted the kisses became deeper, more passionate and definitely possessive.
Surprisingly Daniel was right behind him being just as possessive back. They explored each other's mouths, savoring every nuance, and wanting more; coming up for air only when necessary and then diving back in as they tried to crawl inside each other.
"Clothes." Daniel finally gasped, between kisses, "God Jack too many clothes!"
Jack whole heartedly agreed and began to strip Daniel as Daniel did the same for him. They got in each others way but laughed at it as it was a glorious tangle while one of them distracted the other with kisses to get his own way and then the other did the same. Both were distinctly distractible. Finally they had each been bared and each took their time to look and touch, and savor. Jack was certain he didn't know what the hell put the look of absolute desire and need in Daniel's eyes; he was nothing really special. But Daniel, HIS Daniel was perfection in human form, skin flawless and golden, holding few scars from their years with the Stargate. So smooth, so perfect, and his smell, Jack simply couldn't get enough of the scent of him, wanting to bathe in it, wanting to make it so much a part of him that even when they were separated he could smell it. He dragged himself away from Daniel's hungry mouth to start kissing licking and nipping his way down the archeologist's neck, finding a particular hot spot behind his ear and taking full advantage of it until Daniel was moaning and writhing underneath him. Writhing so much that for a moment Jack thought he was going to come himself and backed away.
He wasn't given long to collect himself because Daniel followed him with a growl and turned them over with a move Jack had taught him ages ago. He also started at the neck, but kept working his way down, caressing, soothing, licking and biting his way down Jack's chest. Jack knew what he was headed for but that wasn't what he wanted. He had never wanted just sexual relief from Daniel, that's what had scared him so badly. He pulled the archeologist back up, fighting him a bit. "Daniel, Daniel! That's not the way I want it, me taking pleasure from you, then you from me, not the first time. I want us to be together." He rolled his hips against Daniel's to try to get him to get the point.
Daniel's eyes were fogged with lust but they cleared a bit, "Together? Oh." He looked like a guppy, one of Jack's favorite looks on him. Jack kissed him into comprehension and Daniel started answering his thrusts. "This….this is going to be fast this way, Jack." Daniel panted, kissing him all over his face. "Wanted you so long!"
"Don't care." Jack panted right back, "Fast sounds pretty good to me right now. Waited long enough. Too damned long!" He thrust up and groaned as Daniel answered him action for action. Their cocks slipped and slid against each other, glided by precome and sweat. But it was more than the physical, Jack had Daniel back in his arms, loving him, wanting him, just as much as he wanted Daniel. He was truly whole again since that day that Daniel had left, really more whole than ever before. The feeling crashed through his system and exploded out of his cock while he called out Daniel's name, an answering cry echoed a moment later and the two men relaxed into each other. Still stroking, soothing, caressing, and kissing. Lazy kisses now, kisses that made promises, promises that Jack was more than willing to keep. He wanted Daniel all the way, in everyway, and if the Air force didn't like it they could fuck off! He told this to the gorgeous man in his arms.
"You'd give up your career, your life for me?" Looked like Ariana wasn't the only one with self worth issues.
"Daniel without you I am nothing, half a man, half a soul. I do the job, I come home, I eat, I may watch some TV, I go to bed and try not to dream about you. Wash, rinse, repeat, day after day. I need you." Jack leaned up and put all his need in a single kiss. He had to convince Daniel now, had to make the past go away.
As Jack released him from the kiss, Daniel blinked down at him and began to trace his features with the same touch he had used on countless artifacts, artifacts that Jack had been generally jealous as hell of, whether he would acknowledge it or not. "I guess it's much the same for me. The memories are fading now but I remember being cold, really cold, and hurting. I thought that taking Oma's path would stop the hurting but it didn't, made it worse because I couldn't see you everyday, even if I thought you hated me, at least you were THERE."
"Aw Danny," Jack leaned up to kiss him again, "I can never apologize enough for what I did to you, never."
"Shhh, Jack, you don't. You love me now, you can touch me, we can make love. I don't want our relationship to be about guilt or apologizing or anything like that. Anyway, I could apologize just as much for not seeing through what you were doing. I'm supposed to be able to read people but I didn't read you. Let's go forward, not back, love."
"Love, I like that." Jack grinned feeling so very incredibly lucky, "I like that a hell of a lot."
"Good because you're going to be hearing it a lot more, a lot more. Every chance I get in fact." Daniel's face went serious. "Now we should talk about what we should do about Ariana. She loves us, you especially, and she saved us."
"No you're wrong, not often the case I know, love, " Jack soothed the indignant look off Daniel's face. "She told us to get our act together with each other and then when and IF we find something in ourselves for her, and I got to admit I'm already starting to feel something there, she'll be there. We HAVE to put ourselves first, we're the ones with the history together."
"But a lot of that obviously comes from her not feeling that she's worth loving." Daniel countered passionately. Jack distracted him with a kiss before he could pull away.
"Maybe so, but she is also right. I have a feeling that she's had a lot of experience watching people in love and she knows that we have to get absolutely clear about what we feel for each other before we even begin to think about what we might feel for her and we need to get to know her better before we can make any decision either way. Otherwise we could end up in the same situation that she had with Duncan and Methos, with the same potential for us all to hurt each other badly. She said we are her last chance at sanity, we have to do this right and that means starting right here." Jack pointed at Daniel's heart.
Daniel looked down at him with a bemused expression until Jack started to grin. "Don't you EVER try to pull that 'dumb colonel' act on me ever again, not that I ever bought it. That wasn't just smart that was wise…… and right."
Jack shrugged. "I've spent a lot of time watching people in all kinds of really stressful situations. It teaches you. And I've watched a master," he stroked Daniel face, enjoying his eyes closing with pleasure at Jack's touch, "by which I mean you, handle people all over the universe. And you are right, I'm not as dumb as I make out to be. I'd just lose my advantage if that was generally known. Just like you use the advantage of loose clothing to hide how physically strong you are." He grinned as Daniel avoided his eyes and shook him playfully. "Come on you know you do it!"
Daniel laughed. "Yeah, that and to stop some of the more overt attentions to the looks everybody thinks I have." He caught Jack's look of surprise. "I'm not oblivious, Jack, I'm an anthropologist. I just…..knew what I wanted and it wasn't the ones approaching me."
"It was me." Jack whispered, awed. "God, it was me and we wasted so much god damned time."
"Moving forward, not back." Daniel reminded him. "We treasure what we have now and in the future." He leaned back in Jack's arms on the surprisingly comfortable cushions. "So what do you want to talk about."
"What do we do when we get back?" Jack asked. "I told you I'd leave the Air force for you and I will. I can have my resignation on Hammonds desk within an hour of the time we get back."
"Mmmmmm no, I don't think so, Jack." Daniel reached out and grabbed one of the Jackets that they had stripped off each other and showed him the insignia on the shoulder. "She said that here we see truth, especially the truth about how we see ourselves. We see ourselves as part of SG-1, if we give that up we might just lose a part of ourselves as surely as if we lost each other."
"That would mean hiding out, living a lie, can you do that Danny? I gotta tell you that I want to be with you as much as I can. I'm not looking to make love to you and then leave you for us both to sleep in our empty beds. I want commitment, to be with each other, to be totally invested in each other. I want it ALL, Danny. I've gone too long without."
"I want it that way too, Jack, I do. We need," he said, drumming his fingers on Jacks chest. "What we need are options, and I know just the person who can give them to us. Ari said she studied our realities, a LOT of realties! She can tell us where all those little decisions might take us and we can pick what we think is best. It's basically what she's been doing all her life anyway, if she was saying what I thought she was saying."
Jack thought for a moment and then shrugged. "Sounds like a good way to get Intel to me, a really good way. She'd be a great asset to the SGC." He mused, thinking tactically.
Daniel chuckled. "I kinda think that that's part of what she has in mind. We may not know her too well right now, but she knows us, and the SGC, and what we do. And we may not be 'invested'," he smiled at Jack, "in her but as you said she's pretty much totally invested in us. I think the SGC has a new member whether it wants one or not. I get the feeling that she is one VERY determined woman."
"Determined about what though?"
"You heard her, determined to keep THIS." Daniel laid his hand over Jack's heart, "and I assume mine, beating. I mean she's going to suicide on the, for her, inevitable day that they cease to beat. If that's not a commitment I don't know what is."
"Yeah you're right and you've also managed to bring the talk away from us and around to her again." Jack tried to sound annoyed but he really couldn't.
Daniel shrugged. "She fascinates me. She's probably seen so much…. And I got to admit her sacrifice, because she already admitted she had to pay a price to get to you in time, her understanding, and her selfless love touches me."
Jack kissed Daniel, once again enjoying the fact that he COULD. "Yeah, me too I got to admit. And really you and I are a done deal. We've admitted that we love each other, proved it pretty thoroughly," he gestured to their messy bodies, "And said how we wanted to be with each other, committed. The rest we need Intel that Ariana can provide and while we're doing it we find out more about her and what we feel about her." He kissed and hugged Daniel to him tightly then released him and started to get up. "She said she had some hunting to do and some 'negotiating' whatever that means but she's going to get back sooner or later, we better get cleaned up."
"Not ready for round two huh?" Daniel smiled wickedly and traced a finger down Jack's chest.
"Oh probably but I'm a bit older than you and we really don't know when she's going to get back." He pinned Daniel down with a thorough kiss and then got up to go to the pool of water and start to clean himself off. "I'm sure we'll have plenty of time on this journey of ours for each other. In fact, I'm completely sure Ariana is figuring it into the schedule." He looked around. "We need something to really get ourselves cleaned off and dry with."
Daniel walked over and knelt beside him. "Jack," he said reprovingly, "you didn't notice that when we dressed ourselves as SG-1 we included packs and everything we usually bring along on a mission." He pulled the packs over to them and got out the spare t shirts that they always packed. "Use these to wipe off." He handed Jack one of the T shirts they'd been wearing. He looked in Jack pack and laughed, "There's even a couple of those mini boxes of Froot loops that you always carry along. Are we creatures of habit or what?"
"Then yours must have your Journal." Jack said, giving himself a thorough wipe down with the shirt.
Daniel looked and brought out a book. "You're right!" he looked through it, then his face turned grim. "And the last entry in it is the one I made the day before Kelwona." He abruptly closed the book and kept it out of Jack reaching hand. "No Jack! Forward, not back!" he reminded.
"You'll show it to me someday."
"Someday." Daniel agreed smiling. "When we have a lot of good memories to replace it."
"Fair enough."
Fandom:Stargate SG-1/Highlander:The Series
Genres:Crossover, AU
Relationship(s): Jack/Daniel, Jack/Daniel/OFC, Methos/Duncan, past Methos/OFC, past Methos/Duncan/OFC
Disclaimer: I can but dream. I don't own any of the characters but the AU is pretty much mine.
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Minor for Abyss
Warnings: Dunno.......you tell me.
Summary: Something wyrd happens in Jack's cell that will change his, Daniel's, and the SGC's fate forever.
Author's Note: Feel free to flame, if this fic makes you uncomfortable or offends you in any way, I want to know about it. Just please respect the community and send them to me at quester@sunflower.com. Everyone will be answered will a rationale for WHY the thing that bothered you is there.
This had to be cut into scenes for space......three scenes will be posted per part ususally.
Jack woke up, he didn't know how long later. The light was the same, the misty sky, the hills, everything was the same except Daniel was softly caressing his hair and face, looking down at him with all the love Jack had ever hoped for. "Hey," he said quietly, still aware of the other warm presence sleeping at his side, "Weren't you supposed to keep watch?"
"I did, for a while. Nothing seemed to change, absolutely nothing. If you'll notice it's not too hot, or too cold, too wet or too dry; everything is even. Everything is in balance. I've never experienced anything like it before. Then she started muttering in her sleep." Daniel looked at the woman that Jack couldn't help think of as Ari for some reason. "She muttered in a lot of Gaelic dialects, some other languages and English. Some of the languages I've never heard before, not surprising if she's as old as she's claimed. But I have heard something of a common theme, Jack." Daniel face was serious and a little pale, "She's been hurt, a lot of times and in a lot of different ways, and some of those hurts weren't that long ago." Daniel sighed, his forehead furrowing, "She said she was safe when she laid against your chest, Jack. I've gotten the feeling that that feeling is about as rare as naquada on our world."
"You're right." Ariana's sleepy voice intruded before Jack could say anything. She shifted, nuzzled Jack's chest one last time, breathing in his scent, and reluctantly sat up, pushing her hands through her waves of red hair. "You two, as part of SG-1, risk your lives every time you go through the gate but on base, on Earth you are relatively safe. I am an Immortal, someone, sometime, way way back in time started this legend that there can be only one which basically means most Immortals believe that we have to fight and take the heads of each other until one of us is left. They think that one will get some prize or power or something." She tilted her head. " A certain power, or life-force, is released when our heads are taken and usually absorbed into the victor. We call it the Quickening. What that has to do with us being Earth's defense against the Goua'ld I don't know other than that it would kill any symbiote trying to enter us. I'm only just beginning to put the pieces together. But the reality is that I risk my life just walking around a corner. Holy ground is our only refuge and I'm not exactly welcome in most churches, not by the worshippers anyway."
"But you put that off to come to us, to rescue me?" Jack sat up. He still couldn't quite believe what this woman had done for them, what she apparently felt for them.
Ariana shrugged and stroked the grass beside her, "Had to, Jack, wanted you to live, wanted you to have a chance with Daniel." Her voice lowered, "Wanted to live myself."
"Excuse me?" surely Jack hadn't heard the last part.
Ariana continued to stroke the grass beside her, her voice was low but so fierce and determined that both the men were a little scared. "The day your heart ceases to beat is the day I offer my head to the first Immortal I can find." Jack and Daniel both started to protest but she stopped them with a firm hand on Jack's leg. "There comes a time in every life, mortal or immortal, where duty, family, and just about everything else just isn't enough to get you out of bed in the morning. There has to be a person," she smiled a little. "Or more than one, to get up and live for. When they are gone all you can do is follow and hope you will be with them on the other side. I've watched generations die. Babies that I have delivered with my own hands ….die, at every stage of life. There just comes a time when it is one death too many. That death would be the two of you, for I've been told you will go together somehow. Maybe that's not how the Gods first wanted it to be but I've made my choice." She laughed, a little bitterly to Jack's ears. "First conscious choice I've ever really made in 2500 years. I'm not letting anyone take that away from me, not even you."
Daniel, ever perceptive, picked up on something, "Not what the Gods originally planned?"
Ariana looked at them quickly and ducked her head, "Kinda starting at the end but I guess it's as good a start as any." She was silent for a moment. Jack moved nearer to Daniel. He saw a flash of pain on Ariana's face and slightly regretted doing it. She had said that they were easy to love but watching her basically rip her heart out and slice it up for their perusal did stir something in him, he wasn't sure what though, whether it was pity or something deeper. He looked at Daniel and saw the compassion he always saw there in these types of situations. He was glad, he had sorely missed it. Jonas always had lots of enthusiasm but the all-encompassing compassion of a Daniel Jackson had been absent from their lives. Then he turned his attention back to Ariana as she began to speak again in a tightly-controlled voice. "You'd think in 2500 years I would know a lot about love. Most Immortals do, they fall in and out of love regularly, with mortals and with each other. But my ….. training and my talents set me apart from the beginning. I knew passion and sexual hunger, of a sort, at every Beltane. It was forced into me by the Land itself true, but I was told that it was my place and I accepted that." She pulled down her neckline a bit and revealed a gold band around her throat. It looked for all intents and purposes like a thick roped noose made of gold.
"A torc." Daniel said and shifted over to touch it. Ariana leaned into the touch for a moment then apparently got herself under control. // She really does love both of us.// Jack thought. Her love for him had been unmistakable; she had been willing to take what might have been endless torture for him, but this was the first evidence that she also loved Daniel. Jack could see that Daniel saw this and it surprised him too but he buried it under academic curiosity. "I've never seen one quite like this. It's almost exactly like a garrote ready to be tightened."
"No, no one other than my Family have seen it," Ariana agreed, "And you won't. These particular kinds of torcs were, with one exception in all of history, melted down after the wearer died because of what they symbolized. This torc is almost as old as I am, it's practically a part of my body for all that I can take it off. It's the one possession I have never lost, never been allowed to lose. There is only one other like it in the world now and that I myself placed around Michael Collins' neck for the last time before his funeral and was buried with him in Glasnevin Cemetery"
"What does it symbolize?" The glow of discovery was all over Daniel; God Jack had missed that, too, and for longer then Daniel had been gone. Over the past few years Daniel had had to become more of a soldier rather than an explorer and Jack guiltily acknowledged his part in that. Ariana met his eyes with a look of understanding and, yep there it was plain as day again, love. Jack just didn't know what to do with that and focused back on Daniel, idly wondering if Ariana ever missed anything. Somehow he doubted it.
"It symbolizes that I am a willing sacrifice for the People, for the tribe, Daniel. There were, well, not many of us, there were never many of us, but there was a group of us throughout the tribes and the culture of my birth. Part of the sacrifice is to lay down my body at Beltane for the fertility of the land. It's part of my function, something I can never escape from, it's too programmed into me, into my subconscious." She looked uncomfortable and embarrassed about it but determined to tell the truth. "Mick's torc symbolized much the same thing, he was the sacrifice for Ireland in his time. And he went to his death with the true serenity of a Sacred Year King." Ariana sighed softly in regret well aged.
"So you would just lay down and have sex with anybody on this Beltane?" Jack asked, "You were made to, that's …. That's rape, institutionalized rape."
Ariana sighed and tilted her head, "Is it? I've never really been able to get that quite straight in my mind. I mean when Beltane comes the hunger is in me, it consumes me, obsesses me and there is only one way to satisfy it, so is it consent or not? That's not a question I've ever been able to answer."
"How old?" Daniel asked softly, "How old were you when this started happening?"
"When my training began." Ariana face screwed up as she cast her mind back millennia to try to remember, "I think I was about two. I was an empath, that was discovered early. It was kind of obvious. When I was put down next to someone who was happy, I'd be happy, when I was near someone not happy, I started crying. Simple math in those days. It's rarer to be recognized now, people just don't make the connection, so most talents block out that part of themselves before they even learn to speak."
"Then empaths are still being born.?"
"Probably, I don't see any reason why they wouldn't be. I've saved and trained a few in my time. Others that survive childhood intact, well, have to learn on their own or….. something. I'm only one person and until about ten or so years ago I never left the British Isles. Never wanted to."
"What happened?" Oh yeah, Daniel was in for the long haul, Jack could tell, but right now the Colonel was so damned pleased just to be in his presence and touching, he absently noticed that he and Daniel never quite stopped touching, that he'd be happy to let Daniel explore to his hearts content. Anyway he kinda wanted to know too. It was one thing to dismiss curiosity about a crumbling ruin, it was another thing to dismiss a living breathing, and pretty obviously suffering person in front of him. Oh, not to mention that she loved he and Daniel enough that when they died she'd suicide. That definitely focused his attention.
"I was granted a vision from the Gods, under some rather trying circumstances. An Immortal wanted to track down another particular Immortal that he had…. a history with. He found out about my ability to See, which is not only into the future but into the present. He used basically the same methods of persuasion that were recently being used on Jack. That and more ….. intimate ones"
"Rape." Jack stated flatly. Both he and Daniel had been there in their time.
Ariana flapped her hand dismissively but Jack could see her swallow hard. "Oh yeah, been there done that. Anyway it finally did force me to See." For the second time Jack could hear the capital on that word, "And I saw someone that the world knows as Adam Pierson but whose true name, at least as far as he knows, is Methos. He's the oldest Immortal still left alive at 5000 years old. I saw all that he was, all he had been, and for some reason I was allowed for the first time to love, to really love in a romantic sense, what the Greeks would call eros, perhaps even agape. I of course told the other Immortal nothing about what I saw. I had a strength then he couldn't conquer and with it I finally escaped. I knew I would be followed and watched however, so I stayed as far away from Methos as I could, for roughly ten years. Until this other Immortal had found him another way and was defeated. Until Methos himself came to a crossroad where it would be appropriate to help and meet him. Everything is in the timing you know." She smiled mirthlessly.
"Then why aren't you with him, why aren't you loving him instead….." Jack broke off.
"Instead of you?" Ariana shifted, and spoke out loud to the air in some kind of language. Jack looked at Daniel and saw him as mystified as he was. A pile of pillows and cushions appeared behind her. "One rule to remember here guys, take nothing if it is not from my hands or by my will." She said, handing them the pillows to make themselves more comfortable. "I am in effect, your hostage, in the old sense. Taking something from me creates no obligation. Taking something from someone or something else here might. It is the Law of the Land." They all moved themselves to be comfortable, Jack and Daniel still constantly touching and Ariana facing them, although Jack guessed that wasn't exactly where she wanted to be, but she seemed to be content to take only what they would give her. Funny, this made him want to give her more, but a lifetime in the military and years going through the Stargate kept him from doing it. He guessed it was much the same for Daniel. They were in an unfamiliar situation, they had to stick together.
Ariana settled back on her cushions and sighed, "Why am I not with Methos, even though I am legally married to him? Well there are a few reasons but most of them center around Duncan MacLeod. Methos and Duncan had been dancing around each other much like you two have been and I didn't take that into proper account when I went to him, but Methos' life, his very essence, was on the line. An old student of mine who also had history with Methos." She glanced over at Jack and Daniel, "It's not uncommon for us. Few Immortals don't have at least some kind of history with other Immortals. We are an exclusive group and most of us have to wander since we don't age after our first death. So we meet, fall in love, come to hate, start vendettas, yadda, yadda." She grinned at Jack.// Wow she really has been watching us.// "Anyway Methos had been a very different person when he knew this student of mine, in a very different time. But she held a grudge, a very obsessive grudge. When I found I couldn't get her to let it go I drove her out, refused to teach her more. But she learned some tricks anyway and they were enough to threaten Methos' life. She wanted to torture him to death time and time again." She looked at Jack and Daniel with ancient pain in her eyes, "Believe me guys it doesn't take a goua'ld to be evil, the potential exists in every soul. Anyway, even worse then the whole torture revival thing was that after she had tired of him and his pain she was going to make sure he was taken by a mortal far away from any other Immortal and have his head cut off so that his quickening, his essence would be lost for all time. That's…… well that's pretty ultimate for an Immortal, so I was obliged to overcome my frankly pathological fear of leaving the British Isles and go and help."
"And he fell in love with you." Daniel said. Jack nodded in agreement, after all they were in a basically similar situation and he already felt damned fond of the woman.
"Oh yeah," Ari sighed, half pleasure, half regret. "Frankly now I think he may have been influenced by the Gods. He was also of the Old Way and I had been, " she rolled her eyes, "a good girl for so long that They felt I deserved it. But then there was Duncan, who I also loved and could love, because he finally admitted his love to Methos and really for himself too. Duncan is, in most respects, a very good man. One of the best of us, a real knight in shining armor type. We went through some things together, all three of us, passed every test that the Gods placed before us." She snorted, "Even the Gods thought we were forever." Ariana's voice definitely had a bitter cast to it.
"But?" Jack asked, leaning against Daniel and savoring the sheer warmth of the man. He wanted to learn that warmth intimately. And he SO intended to.
"But Methos had loved Duncan first, and without the influence of the Gods." Ariana sighed, "Duncan became possessive and jealous, and to be fair Methos started to need things, things that he had always needed from time to time that I simply could not provide, could barely think about."
"What?" then Daniel blushed, " I'm sorry I'm being too intrusive."
Ariana smiled gently and again with love, although Jack noticed it was somehow different then the looks she cast at him, not less just…..different. He wasn't sure what the difference was but it was there. "No Daniel you are just being who you are and please never change. I want you to know, to understand, and frankly I would rather tell you then you be shown and while we travel you probably would have been, it's part of the Balance. Anyway, Methos has a dark past, a very, very dark past. The kind of stuff that actually created legends of horror and fear that last to this day. He grew out of that phase, he calls it his 'angry adolescence', eventually and ever since has usually been a doctor or healer of some sort. He keeps his medical credentials current to this day under whichever alias he lives under, in atonement I think. But sometimes, sometimes he has a real deep, undeniable need to be punished. And when I mean punished I mean being tied up and whipped until his bones show," Ariana shuddered, "I couldn't do that, I found that I couldn't even be anywhere near it without welts starting to appear on MY back. But Duncan could do it, saw the necessity, even a little bit thinks Methos deserves it. Anyway between that and the jealousy and everything it finally came down to an ultimatum: Me or him. Methos didn't chose me." She said quietly, accepting it.
"And that drove you to search for love elsewhere?" Daniel asked.
"No, Gods I wish it had, I would have been in time to save you from Kelwona." Ariana's eyes had tears in them, tears for them. Jack looked away uneasily. It was getting harder to maintain his distance. This woman felt real guilt for not being there, he knew, guilt was something he was vastly familiar with. "No, I basically hid out for a while and licked my wounds you might say. I was content, I had things to do. I was discarded, surplus to requirements, and I was fairly determined to live with that. But apparently Duncan and Methos, who have a relationship about as calm as you two have, had arguments. Apparently a lot of them. Duncan couldn't accept somehow that he had all of Methos totally, kept accusing him of longing for me whenever Methos thoughts strayed." Ariana shrugged, "Maybe he was right, I'll never know, but Methos set out to prove him wrong." Ariana swallowed hard and took a moment. "Methos is a follower of the Old Way and quite well trained, so basically he has the ability to 'invite' you might say the masculine spirit of the Land, the God of the wilds, the Green Man, Herne, he has many names; into his body. And he came to me as this 'being'. That….. that does something to me, flips switches in my mind I have no control over. Basically I become the feminine to his masculine, and the Goddess always desires the God for the good of the Land. He basically invoked Beltane out of season."
"You spent the night together." Daniel said with his usual sensitivity.
"Oh yes, from what I remember it was quite a night. He didn't hurt me, physically, but basically in the morning he stated all the reasons that he had done it and well as you might put it told me it was a revenge fuck. THAT broke me, that sent me looking for someone that could keep me together, protect me when I could not protect myself, someone who could maybe love me of his own choice. I looked for the ultimate protector as opposed to Methos who has always been the ultimate survivor. When I did I found one man, Jack O'Niell."
"I'M the ultimate protector. You gotta be kidding, I couldn't even protect my own son!" As always that pain and guilt was there to catch him, not much duller than it had ever been. Daniel moved to say something but Ariana beat him to the punch.
"Do NOT! I know that part of your life fairly well and when it comes down to it Charlie made the CHOICE to disobey you. You had TOLD him not to play with ANY guns, even toy ones, much less your own. He made the CHOICE to defy that." Jack tried to get up and away but Ariana grabbed his hands and, God help him, he couldn't break her grip! "I've been there, Jack! I may be infertile, all Immortals are, but I've watched the sons and daughters of my spirit go out and have similar ACCIDENTS happen, even worse I've seen them willingly do it to them selves, suicide, and worst of all I've sent them out to die myself to protect the Family knowing that they would not come back, and burying them all!" Jack sat back down and Ariana caressed his hands. "I've watched a single family for over 2000 years. In that time I've had to do all of that and see them die in famine and plague, not being able to save them, even just watched them grow old and die of natural causes." She seemed focused on his hands to the exclusion of all else. "I've had newborns cry themselves to death in my arms because their mothers had died in childbirth and there was nothing to feed them. Jack, if you think your soul is tarnished, what must mine be?"
"Good God!" Jack choked and he couldn't help it, he leaned his head against her bowed head and kissed her hair, "For 2500 years?" he could barely comprehend it.
"Mmmm-hmmm." Ariana said softly, "That's what an Immortal's life is. To watch friends, lovers, sons and daughters of your heart die for whatever reason. Other Immortals, whether they be friends or not, are basically your opposition, at least that's the way they see it. That doesn't allow for many deep and lasting relationships. Perhaps Methos, Duncan, and I were doomed from the start. I haven't heard that Methos and Duncan have patched things up, as far as I know they are living on different continents.. But I guess there comes a time in every Immortals life when they have to choose to either start hating the mortals who leave them, look for peace at the end of another Immortals sword, or chose to find someone to live for. That's the choice I made. I know you probably don't want me, and you certainly don't have to love me but I NEED to love you, or…..or I'm pretty sure I'm going to go insane. You are my last chance, my last hope."
Daniel also moved closer and rubbed a hand down her back. "But you wouldn't, couldn't come to him when I wasn't there because Jack and I love each other?"
"Oh yeah, wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. You two had to come to terms first. And also." She looked up directly into Daniel cerulean eyes, "Jack O'Niell without Daniel Jackson is but half a soul. I didn't want half of Jack, I want all of him, and all of you, Daniel, each for different but still very valid reasons."
Daniel looked away somewhat uncomfortably, "I didn't know." he whispered.
"I didn't let you know, Danny." Jack freed a hand from Ari's suddenly loose grip to caress the side of Daniel's face, "I was too busy running and hiding and denying that you didn't have a chance. Then I lost my chance." He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Daniel's lips. "We've got a second chance now."
"Yes." Ariana said decisively, "that you do. And I have some hunting and some negotiating to do. That should give you two enough time for a start." She got to her feet. "I pledge that no one and nothing will come here unless I allow it. You have privacy, I suggest you use it." She picked up her spear and started to walk away.
"But…. What about you?" Daniel asked and Jack nearly echoed him. She had said that she loved them but was leaving them with each other.
"Get yourselves in order first, guys. There's time and time enough for me when you are ready, if you are ever ready. Just because you love doesn't mean you are loved and I am content that it be so, although I won't regret a change. Settle yourselves first, I'll be around whenever you have time for me." With that she walked out into the mist until she was lost from sight, giving them no chance to answer.
"God, what the hell is THAT?" Jack asked, almost unconsciously.
"Perfect love," Daniel murmured, "love without ever asking, or even expecting a return. And if I'm not surprised even a thought that maybe she isn't worthy of being loved."
"You're talking from experience aren't you? That's how you've loved me. How long Danny?" Jack asked softly, turning the blue eyed man to face him.
"I'm….I'm not really sure." Daniel said blushing, "I'd never had a real friend before so it was hard to tell when my feelings changed from love of a friend to just love. But it was definitely before Shau're died. I'd start waking up thinking about seeing you that day instead of wondering if that was the day we would rescue her. Started to savor every touch you ever gave me, that kind of melded into desiring the touches you couldn't give me. Tried to hide it but when you started to push me away I thought you knew. That's when it began to really hurt. You?"
Jack cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well I guess all of that stuff happened in my subconscious but I was smacked in the face with it when I saw you flirting with Kira. I wanted to kill her Danny, Kira not Linea, because she got a smile from you I wanted to be mine. That's definitely when I started to put real effort into running and hiding and hurting." He kissed Daniel apologetically, "I never hated you Danny, never really wanted to hurt you. Just wanted these feelings I'd never had before to go AWAY and that meant pushing you away too. Then you were gone and I knew what true emptiness was. I had lost you and really my reason for living. Ariana's right, there comes a time when duty and country aren't the things that get you out of bed in the morning. It's a person and that person for me was gone. I guess that's what ultimately got me into that situation where you found me, begging for death."
"Why wouldn't you ascend then?" Daniel said, stroking his face. Jack leaned into it. "We could have been together."
"Well for all the reasons I told you. I didn't feel worthy of it, that was part of it. But the other part of it was touch. I wanted to touch you, in every way, make love to you, feel you make love to me. I'm sorry but combining energy just didn't have the same ring for me." He smiled at Daniel and kissed him again just because he could.
Daniel grinned. "You can do that now. We've pretty much been assured of privacy and these cushions are very comfortable."
Perhaps at another time Jack would have made a snappy come back but suddenly all the implications of having a blessed second chance washed in on him and words were meaningless. So he took Daniel's head between his hands and started kissing him. Softly at first, barely there but as he grew used to the reality of finally having what he had so long wanted the kisses became deeper, more passionate and definitely possessive.
Surprisingly Daniel was right behind him being just as possessive back. They explored each other's mouths, savoring every nuance, and wanting more; coming up for air only when necessary and then diving back in as they tried to crawl inside each other.
"Clothes." Daniel finally gasped, between kisses, "God Jack too many clothes!"
Jack whole heartedly agreed and began to strip Daniel as Daniel did the same for him. They got in each others way but laughed at it as it was a glorious tangle while one of them distracted the other with kisses to get his own way and then the other did the same. Both were distinctly distractible. Finally they had each been bared and each took their time to look and touch, and savor. Jack was certain he didn't know what the hell put the look of absolute desire and need in Daniel's eyes; he was nothing really special. But Daniel, HIS Daniel was perfection in human form, skin flawless and golden, holding few scars from their years with the Stargate. So smooth, so perfect, and his smell, Jack simply couldn't get enough of the scent of him, wanting to bathe in it, wanting to make it so much a part of him that even when they were separated he could smell it. He dragged himself away from Daniel's hungry mouth to start kissing licking and nipping his way down the archeologist's neck, finding a particular hot spot behind his ear and taking full advantage of it until Daniel was moaning and writhing underneath him. Writhing so much that for a moment Jack thought he was going to come himself and backed away.
He wasn't given long to collect himself because Daniel followed him with a growl and turned them over with a move Jack had taught him ages ago. He also started at the neck, but kept working his way down, caressing, soothing, licking and biting his way down Jack's chest. Jack knew what he was headed for but that wasn't what he wanted. He had never wanted just sexual relief from Daniel, that's what had scared him so badly. He pulled the archeologist back up, fighting him a bit. "Daniel, Daniel! That's not the way I want it, me taking pleasure from you, then you from me, not the first time. I want us to be together." He rolled his hips against Daniel's to try to get him to get the point.
Daniel's eyes were fogged with lust but they cleared a bit, "Together? Oh." He looked like a guppy, one of Jack's favorite looks on him. Jack kissed him into comprehension and Daniel started answering his thrusts. "This….this is going to be fast this way, Jack." Daniel panted, kissing him all over his face. "Wanted you so long!"
"Don't care." Jack panted right back, "Fast sounds pretty good to me right now. Waited long enough. Too damned long!" He thrust up and groaned as Daniel answered him action for action. Their cocks slipped and slid against each other, glided by precome and sweat. But it was more than the physical, Jack had Daniel back in his arms, loving him, wanting him, just as much as he wanted Daniel. He was truly whole again since that day that Daniel had left, really more whole than ever before. The feeling crashed through his system and exploded out of his cock while he called out Daniel's name, an answering cry echoed a moment later and the two men relaxed into each other. Still stroking, soothing, caressing, and kissing. Lazy kisses now, kisses that made promises, promises that Jack was more than willing to keep. He wanted Daniel all the way, in everyway, and if the Air force didn't like it they could fuck off! He told this to the gorgeous man in his arms.
"You'd give up your career, your life for me?" Looked like Ariana wasn't the only one with self worth issues.
"Daniel without you I am nothing, half a man, half a soul. I do the job, I come home, I eat, I may watch some TV, I go to bed and try not to dream about you. Wash, rinse, repeat, day after day. I need you." Jack leaned up and put all his need in a single kiss. He had to convince Daniel now, had to make the past go away.
As Jack released him from the kiss, Daniel blinked down at him and began to trace his features with the same touch he had used on countless artifacts, artifacts that Jack had been generally jealous as hell of, whether he would acknowledge it or not. "I guess it's much the same for me. The memories are fading now but I remember being cold, really cold, and hurting. I thought that taking Oma's path would stop the hurting but it didn't, made it worse because I couldn't see you everyday, even if I thought you hated me, at least you were THERE."
"Aw Danny," Jack leaned up to kiss him again, "I can never apologize enough for what I did to you, never."
"Shhh, Jack, you don't. You love me now, you can touch me, we can make love. I don't want our relationship to be about guilt or apologizing or anything like that. Anyway, I could apologize just as much for not seeing through what you were doing. I'm supposed to be able to read people but I didn't read you. Let's go forward, not back, love."
"Love, I like that." Jack grinned feeling so very incredibly lucky, "I like that a hell of a lot."
"Good because you're going to be hearing it a lot more, a lot more. Every chance I get in fact." Daniel's face went serious. "Now we should talk about what we should do about Ariana. She loves us, you especially, and she saved us."
"No you're wrong, not often the case I know, love, " Jack soothed the indignant look off Daniel's face. "She told us to get our act together with each other and then when and IF we find something in ourselves for her, and I got to admit I'm already starting to feel something there, she'll be there. We HAVE to put ourselves first, we're the ones with the history together."
"But a lot of that obviously comes from her not feeling that she's worth loving." Daniel countered passionately. Jack distracted him with a kiss before he could pull away.
"Maybe so, but she is also right. I have a feeling that she's had a lot of experience watching people in love and she knows that we have to get absolutely clear about what we feel for each other before we even begin to think about what we might feel for her and we need to get to know her better before we can make any decision either way. Otherwise we could end up in the same situation that she had with Duncan and Methos, with the same potential for us all to hurt each other badly. She said we are her last chance at sanity, we have to do this right and that means starting right here." Jack pointed at Daniel's heart.
Daniel looked down at him with a bemused expression until Jack started to grin. "Don't you EVER try to pull that 'dumb colonel' act on me ever again, not that I ever bought it. That wasn't just smart that was wise…… and right."
Jack shrugged. "I've spent a lot of time watching people in all kinds of really stressful situations. It teaches you. And I've watched a master," he stroked Daniel face, enjoying his eyes closing with pleasure at Jack's touch, "by which I mean you, handle people all over the universe. And you are right, I'm not as dumb as I make out to be. I'd just lose my advantage if that was generally known. Just like you use the advantage of loose clothing to hide how physically strong you are." He grinned as Daniel avoided his eyes and shook him playfully. "Come on you know you do it!"
Daniel laughed. "Yeah, that and to stop some of the more overt attentions to the looks everybody thinks I have." He caught Jack's look of surprise. "I'm not oblivious, Jack, I'm an anthropologist. I just…..knew what I wanted and it wasn't the ones approaching me."
"It was me." Jack whispered, awed. "God, it was me and we wasted so much god damned time."
"Moving forward, not back." Daniel reminded him. "We treasure what we have now and in the future." He leaned back in Jack's arms on the surprisingly comfortable cushions. "So what do you want to talk about."
"What do we do when we get back?" Jack asked. "I told you I'd leave the Air force for you and I will. I can have my resignation on Hammonds desk within an hour of the time we get back."
"Mmmmmm no, I don't think so, Jack." Daniel reached out and grabbed one of the Jackets that they had stripped off each other and showed him the insignia on the shoulder. "She said that here we see truth, especially the truth about how we see ourselves. We see ourselves as part of SG-1, if we give that up we might just lose a part of ourselves as surely as if we lost each other."
"That would mean hiding out, living a lie, can you do that Danny? I gotta tell you that I want to be with you as much as I can. I'm not looking to make love to you and then leave you for us both to sleep in our empty beds. I want commitment, to be with each other, to be totally invested in each other. I want it ALL, Danny. I've gone too long without."
"I want it that way too, Jack, I do. We need," he said, drumming his fingers on Jacks chest. "What we need are options, and I know just the person who can give them to us. Ari said she studied our realities, a LOT of realties! She can tell us where all those little decisions might take us and we can pick what we think is best. It's basically what she's been doing all her life anyway, if she was saying what I thought she was saying."
Jack thought for a moment and then shrugged. "Sounds like a good way to get Intel to me, a really good way. She'd be a great asset to the SGC." He mused, thinking tactically.
Daniel chuckled. "I kinda think that that's part of what she has in mind. We may not know her too well right now, but she knows us, and the SGC, and what we do. And we may not be 'invested'," he smiled at Jack, "in her but as you said she's pretty much totally invested in us. I think the SGC has a new member whether it wants one or not. I get the feeling that she is one VERY determined woman."
"Determined about what though?"
"You heard her, determined to keep THIS." Daniel laid his hand over Jack's heart, "and I assume mine, beating. I mean she's going to suicide on the, for her, inevitable day that they cease to beat. If that's not a commitment I don't know what is."
"Yeah you're right and you've also managed to bring the talk away from us and around to her again." Jack tried to sound annoyed but he really couldn't.
Daniel shrugged. "She fascinates me. She's probably seen so much…. And I got to admit her sacrifice, because she already admitted she had to pay a price to get to you in time, her understanding, and her selfless love touches me."
Jack kissed Daniel, once again enjoying the fact that he COULD. "Yeah, me too I got to admit. And really you and I are a done deal. We've admitted that we love each other, proved it pretty thoroughly," he gestured to their messy bodies, "And said how we wanted to be with each other, committed. The rest we need Intel that Ariana can provide and while we're doing it we find out more about her and what we feel about her." He kissed and hugged Daniel to him tightly then released him and started to get up. "She said she had some hunting to do and some 'negotiating' whatever that means but she's going to get back sooner or later, we better get cleaned up."
"Not ready for round two huh?" Daniel smiled wickedly and traced a finger down Jack's chest.
"Oh probably but I'm a bit older than you and we really don't know when she's going to get back." He pinned Daniel down with a thorough kiss and then got up to go to the pool of water and start to clean himself off. "I'm sure we'll have plenty of time on this journey of ours for each other. In fact, I'm completely sure Ariana is figuring it into the schedule." He looked around. "We need something to really get ourselves cleaned off and dry with."
Daniel walked over and knelt beside him. "Jack," he said reprovingly, "you didn't notice that when we dressed ourselves as SG-1 we included packs and everything we usually bring along on a mission." He pulled the packs over to them and got out the spare t shirts that they always packed. "Use these to wipe off." He handed Jack one of the T shirts they'd been wearing. He looked in Jack pack and laughed, "There's even a couple of those mini boxes of Froot loops that you always carry along. Are we creatures of habit or what?"
"Then yours must have your Journal." Jack said, giving himself a thorough wipe down with the shirt.
Daniel looked and brought out a book. "You're right!" he looked through it, then his face turned grim. "And the last entry in it is the one I made the day before Kelwona." He abruptly closed the book and kept it out of Jack reaching hand. "No Jack! Forward, not back!" he reminded.
"You'll show it to me someday."
"Someday." Daniel agreed smiling. "When we have a lot of good memories to replace it."
"Fair enough."
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